Wild River Review
Wild River Review
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May 2010
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August 12, 2010

Why Are So Many Men Into Porn?

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By the Sexy G

We appear to have an epidemic of men watching computer porno sites, even during working hours. To illustrate that, I use the Washington Post article: SEC porn investigation nets dozens. As reported on April 23, 2010 by Ed O’Keefe, the SEC probed 33 people for watching porn at work and several senior positions were involved.

One senior official working at headquarters admitted watching porn for as much as 8 hours a day on an office computer. I ask you, when did he work? In a regional office a staff member admitted to viewing porno on an office computer and on an SEC issued laptop while on official business. The list goes on. We are in serious trouble financially in this country, yet this disgraceful behavior continues, unchecked, for long periods of time. Haven’t these employees heard about our recession? The real insult is that the average salaries of these people averages in the $150,000 range.

Similar allegations appeared at the National Science Foundation, the National Park Service and even a judge of a US Circuit Court of Appeals. And then this woman working at Citibank, as she reported, is reprimanded for wearing tight-fitting clothing and told that her outfits were too distracting at the workplace? Is this the Jezebel Syndrome or the Adam and Eve debacle? Why are we blaming women for out-of-control men? Come on guys! So many of you watch hours of porn and then accuse a woman for being distracting in the workplace? Is she supposed to wear a nun’s habit or burka? Get the message?

This excessive viewing of porn begs the question: How do men view women? Do they just think they are sex objects? Is it more enticing to view porn alone and indulge in the usual masturbation that accompanies it than to be with a woman, or are they just addicts? I have to believe that pornography plays into how men are socialized – to be unemotional because it is too sissy to reveal a more vulnerable side to the world. I suspect men believe that distracts from society’s concept of masculinity and dovetails into his fear of not being in control. It stands to reason that a woman who is looking for sexual as well as emotional satisfaction presents a threat to those men who are trying so hard not to appear feminine. For these, I believe, insecure men it is much easier to have phantom sex with a monitor than with a woman.

I saw a play recently by a very well-known author. There were several men and two women actors. The female protagonist of the play was portrayed as a screaming diva with almost no redeeming qualities. The other woman was slutty.

I imagine if the man put his mother in the play she’d be the Madonna. What was startling about the drama was that the demanding bitch designated as the main character and (according to the title of the play) was supposed to be about her life, took a background position. It became a story about the men and their dilemmas as minorities, their sad backgrounds and their bravery in surviving the daily grind of life.

I find this play and its view of women telling. I do believe there exists underneath the layers of denial in many men a strong disdain for women. Often women in literature are portrayed by male writers in a similar manner. Either she is a bitch, a slut or servile no matter how intelligent or accomplished she is. Are these myths perpetuated by those men who feel that emotionally “surrendering” to a woman traps him and damages his pride (at least in his mind)?

I think that is why, in my experience, men turn a deaf ear to what a woman says she wants or needs as it pertains to sex cuddling or affection. No matter how many times a male may ask a woman what she likes sexually and otherwise, once she tells him, it is thereafter avoided. This type of male either tries to speed up the sexual process in order to disengage quicker and/or protects his manliness by never taking what he thinks are orders from a woman even though he asked.

To paraphrase Ethel Spector Person, Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University from her book, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters, there is a dread of loss of self that presents a big fear. Sometimes after sex or other intimate moments he might start a fight in order to distance himself emotionally.

The plethora of porn that is available 24/7 has created difficulties in many relationships. Men who become addicted to pornography take many hours away from the family, wife or a partner. It is like the old boy’s club where men can’t understand why a woman would object to their numerous hours of watching porn. After all, didn’t parents look upon boys’ reading girly and pornographic magazines as a rite of passage? Why then as an adult is he asked to stop the habit? It’s all part of being a man. Isn’t it?

The kind of porno available now is hurting young boys in their attitudes toward women, and they take that with them into adulthood. In porno we know women are objectified and that’s how young minds become wired. Even women are affected as they try to make their bodies more like the porn stars by having breast implants and in being submissive.

In an article (Health) that came out January 19, 2004 in Time Magazine, entitled, The Porn Factor, written by Pamela Paul. “In the Internet age, pornography is almost everywhere you look. But what is it doing to real-life relationships?” Paul continues, “Sometimes pornography tears couples apart. At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases.”
Paul quoted Mark Schwartz, director of the Masters and Johnson clinic in St. Louis, Mo. Essentially, he said there are several reasons why porn is bad. It objectifies women as nothing more than breasts, legs and buttocks and creates a need for visual stimulation for arousal. “The image of a lonely, isolated man masturbating to his computer is the Willy Loman metaphor of our decade.”
Yet, Paul writes, “Still, couples therapists sometimes suggest pornography as a way to refresh relationships or spark desire. Increasingly, women are game. Sociologist Michael Kimmel has found that each year more of his female college students approve of porn, which may reflect women’s increased sexual empowerment.”
But to paraphrase some of those findings, it is suggested that erotic material, rather than straight out porn may be used. While porn objectifies and debases women, egalitarian erotica can be shared and enjoyed by both.
Come on guys, put in some work, change your mindset so that you and your partner can be on the same page – face to face, skin to skin. Go for the real deal but really hear what she has to say. It’s not much fun spending hours upon hours alone and isolated. In my opinion, prostitution may be looking pretty warm and cozy when compared to the phantom sex of porn.

Sexy Gma

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6 Comments

  1. I think some men feel emasculated by strong, smart, successful, beautiful women….Perhaps, there is some cathartic outlet here in watching lots of porn…Perhaps, the excessive viewing coincides with women’s increased power in both the workplace and society as a whole?? Just a thought…txs!

    Comment by J — September 8, 2010 @ 6:55 pm

  2. Thanks for your very thoughtful response to the article about men being into porn. You have a good point about men feeling emasculated by strong, smart, successful, beautiful women. It’s a very sad state of affairs. It’s something written into society’s separating men from women. Perhaps one day in the future it will change and men will welcome that type of woman. fran

    Comment by metzman — September 8, 2010 @ 9:49 pm

  3. I’m pretty sure people have ALWAYS been really into porn, both men and women. It’s just a question of what’s socially acceptable. We’re sexual creatures. There are people out there who use porn as a replacement for real relationships, but they are few and far between compared to total porn users, or else there wouldn’t BE any real relationships.

    I think there’s no question, though, that most porn puts women in a negative light, and NO, it’s not because they are being depicted having sex. It’s because the vast, VAST majority of people who run distribution companies are men, men who in my experience do not understand women (if such a thing is possible) and who don’t know a thing about female agency in cinema. The result is that they put up on screen whatever suits their fancy without bothering to ask a woman what interests her or letting her ever take the reigns. He’s the one with the paycheck, so she’s just gonna be a professional and do what’s asked of her, regardless of whether it’s her “thing” or not.

    I could write a whole novel about what I do and do not like about the porn industry (yes I am involved in it), but suffice it to say that it suffers from the same problem Hollywood does, except worse: there are too many men in charge and not enough women. There’s nothing inherently wrong with showing sex on screen. Women desire sex just as much as men do, and there’s nothing wrong with exploring or celebrating that. The porn stars I know are just girls who really love sex and love their jobs. But there IS something wrong with perpetuating stereotypes and shutting women out of positions of real power. Aside from a few indie companies doing some awesome things, the men who are at the top of the porn industry are sexist (unintentionally, for the most part, but sexist all the same) so the porn is sexist. THAT’S the problem.

    Comment by Lana — September 16, 2010 @ 11:50 pm

  4. Comment left on Twitter:
    I think it’s innocent – people can get addicted to it, but people can get addicted to sugar and shopping, too.

    Comment by Tweeter — September 17, 2010 @ 9:56 am

  5. Don You are spot-on with your response to the porn addiction article. It’s refreshing to have a man who is bright, insightful and honest!!! Most men take a macho attitude — women have it all. Yes, attitudes toward women are sometimes reflected in porn — not just a joke. THe Myth that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is bogus. It’s just an excuse to perpetuate an excuse to be immature and irresponsible for men and women laugh and agree. It is SOCIETY’S influence that determine how we behave and if we realized men and women are more alike than different we might wind up with better relationships. THANKS so much for you great response, Don!!!!!!!!! fran

    Comment by metzman — September 29, 2010 @ 7:10 pm

  6. You certainly deserve a round of applause for your post and more specifically, your blog in general. Very high quality material.

    Comment by Alveo — April 30, 2011 @ 6:14 am

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