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June 29, 2011
Where have all the marriageable people gone? As we know by now, the statistics from the census found that there were more singles than “marrieds” in the USA. The percentage of households in the U.S. with a husband and wife dropped from 55% twenty years ago to 48% in 2010. This compares with the 1950 statistic where 78% of households were dominated by married people. The average age for men marrying is now 27 years-old.
There is another change that complicates the issue. There is a large increase in single parents, couples cohabitating or those living alone. Celebrities seemed to have set the pace in removing the sin factor of living together rather than marrying. Taking it one step further, they have legitimized having children without the state of wedded bliss.
The online article, As Marriage and Parenthood Drift Apart, Public Is Concerned about Social Impact; Generation Gap in Values, Behaviors from the Pew Research Center Publications, July 1, 2007. The findings are from a telephone survey conducted from February 16 through March 14, 2007.
In their executive summary they said: “A Generation Gap in Behaviors and Values. Younger adults attach far less moral stigma than do their elders to out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation without marriage. They engage in these behaviors at rates unprecedented in U.S. history. Nearly four-in-ten (36.8%) births in this country are to an unmarried woman. Nearly half (47%) of adults in their 30s and 40s have spent a portion of their lives in a cohabiting relationship.”
Okay, so people are marrying and having children later in life, if they have kids at all. They are also having more out-of-wedlock babies. Is this new morality good or bad for society? The more conservative element might tell you it is wrong and harmful for children. Some feel strongly that if you haven’t cemented your relationship by promising to love, honor and cherish with legal sanctification it isn’t a real or lasting commitment.
Some more liberal groups may feel that an atmosphere where the parents aren’t trapped by what they consider an outdated institution is much healthier and so children benefit. If things don’t work out the couple can split without huge legal costs – and still not desert the children.
There is also a belief that couples living together might be better behaved as opposed to those using the shield of marriage to be more verbal about frustrations. Knowing that divorce is so hard for people to endure, a spouse might criticize more within a marriage rather than they would in the courtship phase. The dirty laundry on the bedroom floor at one time didn’t incite anger but once married it may become fuel for contention.
Society appears to be polarized in how we feel about marriage. We really need to dig deeper to understand the undercurrents of these dramatic changes to what we thought was an unalterable tradition.
In some camps it’s felt that it’s the women, not the men, seeking marriage. The reasons given are that males can pretty much have sex on demand with little required in give-backs. Economics plays a part – so some men say. They want to be in better financial shape and even maybe own their own house before marriage. I find this reasoning curious. What happened to two can live as cheaply as one? Don’t working couples provide a household with more income?
On the flip side of the coin, some experts believe that women with demanding careers may be more responsible for putting off marriage than men. The average age for women getting married is now 25, and 27 for those college educated. Go one step further and we find that when a female goes to graduate school and/or becomes a professional the age jumps to 30ish.
Maybe women are no longer romanticizing marriages of yesteryear as much as they once did. Back in the day, marriage was vital for women, not always romantically charged. Overall, women in previous generations rarely had careers and marriage was simply a way to survive. They were dependent on husbands for everything – protection, supporting children and a lifestyle. In an unabashed patriarchal society, marriage was a means of survival. These women had little input into decision making. As a result, idealizing marriage has diminished greatly.
But now we have an interesting phenomenon that has made marriage unpalatable to many women. Even today, domestic responsibilities are still pretty much in a woman’s court. Add that to working a full-time job, as most women do, and it is not an appealing picture to many women. Marriage often means that a woman takes on two major careers – in and out of the home. Women may now be postponing marriage because so many more are able to support themselves and can make choices.
For some odd reason (for exploration in another article) marriage often changes the rules in a relationship. 50% plus of all marriages end in divorce, and that doesn’t take into account the large number of those who choose to remain together but are unhappy. Where once two people were carefree and madly in love during courtship, they find that marriage dampens the relationship with its prescribed rules and regulations.
I think that traditional marriages with its one-size fits all theory is outdated. The way the institution of marriage has been rigidly structured puts people in a box. Once that certificate is signed expectations may and often do change. For instance, no matter how modern we are, the old values of assigned male/female roles come into play because that is still how we are, to this very day, socialized. Without insight, we react to relationships in a traditional manner (granted it is more subtle) and wind up painting ourselves into a corner.
We have to look at marriage with a fresh, more realistic slant and get out-of-the-box. Also, it is not a panacea for curing all ills – past and present. Each individual must take on the responsibility of understanding where they are coming from on their own. If one is unwilling to self-examine, which takes lots of work, then watch out.
To have a healthy and successful relationship one must dissect their individual behavior. Each has to share tasks and make compromises. I believe these are key to keeping love and adoration alive. Unconditional love is not a password here. Everything is conditioned on what we bring to a relationship. Carefree doesn’t mean free. It takes lots of communication and work to achieve that state of mind. But the payoff is superb.
The direction I see for the more successful marriages is that couples have to make their own contract. And I am not referring to open marriages! We have to allow for changing boundaries so that couples can grow and deepen their love and commitment.
For example, if two people are offered jobs that they yearn for, but they are in different states, why does one have to sacrifice? True it is hard to make a long distance marriage work, but with frequently planned get-togethers it can be like a honeymoon. Who is to say geographic distance is not good for a relationship?
Communication is of the utmost importance – both before and after walking down the aisle. Know what you are getting into, what you are giving up and what the positive gains might be. This is especially true when it comes to having children. Many men are especially vulnerable to bad reactions when offspring arrive, probably because they are ill-informed about the emotional toll that being fruitful and multiplying takes. It isn’t for everyone and that includes some women.
Harmoniously working toward common goals can be a wonderfully exhilarating experience. A couple must understand their expectations and share them. Maturity is emotionally freeing. What is better than knowing that you and your beloved care and support each other? The impact of this will infuse every area of your lives – including the bedroom.
SexyG
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June 7, 2011
 Generally speaking, the present generation of males is supposedly open, generous of spirit, sensitive and gender-blind. Right? Maybe not.
I suspect there is enough awareness to spout the correct verbiage in public that is very PC but there is a definite harboring of old, traditional concepts about women. I would have to say that there are cave men hiding deep inside the sophisticated male brain that frequently sees the world instantaneously through electronics, understands every hi-tech gadget, accepts challenges, and is non-racist. Why are so many men, liberal and conservative so unwilling to look at women as humans with needs as strong as theirs and brains that function on a par with the male population?
Maybe they are reluctant to give up the good, old-fashioned self-serving mores of women doing the dirty work since time began. If one feigns ignorance at where the cereal is kept, someone will jump up and get it – usually a woman. Even a bit of chiding might be welcomed for not remembering where the food pantry is hiding. After all, it’s a female secret.
It’s odd that a bachelor can be very self-sufficient in his own digs until he moves in with a woman and develops partial paralysis. But if he takes the big step of marriage he may very well become a domestic quadriplegic.
In a sea of subtle and not so subtle sexist undercurrents, let me point out just a few:
I was talking to a man who is in his early 40s. He’s single, heterosexual, handsome, intelligent, financially successful and has been around the dating scene a good deal. He is charming and funny. He brought up porno in a casual way because it fit into the conversation. I told him how dreadful I thought it was because it was abusive and brutal to women with undertones rape and sometimes the undertones have clearly moved to be in your face. Porno gives the impression that women loved having violent sex which is not true for most women. He gave me a shocked expression.
“Really?” he asked, mockingly. “What other kind of sex is there?”
A bit tongue in cheek to match his reaction but with sincerity, I proceeded to tell him there is erotica where there is a genuine good feeling between a couple, tenderness, gentle touching, and words of endearment. I said that most sex appeal comes through the mind. That is the most sensual part of the body. When there is open communication, caring, fun-loving teasing and trust – eroticism blossoms naturally.
The man put his chin on his chest and faked snoring. Yes, I know he was kidding, and maybe even defensive, but it says so much. For one thing, there is a great deal of truth in his gesture of humorous, feigned boredom that suggests how he really feels about love and the needs of women. He might very well agree with me, but for the sake of appearing masculine he had to take the macho stance. This is certainly ingrained in our society. If he echoed my words in the locker room the guys would have been all over him about what a sissy he was.
This kind of sexism exists in all generations of men, especially older ones. I see a lot of creative writing and rarely does a man write well about women. They are often either non-existent in a story, one-dimensional, saints or sluts, and when given a significant occupation, those very same female characters are asked to get coffee and donuts.
Recently, I was in a situation where I had a difference of opinion with an older gentleman. His response, rather than challenging me with his slant on the topic, he simply said, “Your opinion is based on being a woman.”
I interpret this as an insult that means a woman’s opinion is more frothy and inconsequential than one coming from a man. Now I know this might sound like an isolated situation where a clueless man didn’t realize how demeaning his statement was, but I have run into this kind of female deprecation often.
For instance, I attended a gathering where we were discussing the danger of the massive deficit. I remarked that before we cut services to medical programs, the poor, and the elderly that perhaps we can reduce the horrific government waste that was estimated at approximately 350 billion dollars some years ago (probably much more now since little has been done to contain that figure nor do we know the full story of the deficit as some parts of the budget are secret). That huge figure takes in money that is misallocated, stolen or falls through the cracks and the cracks can be huge.
A man who is a professional turned to me with a sarcastic smile and said, “Dear, you don’t mean billions. You mean millions.”
No sir, I MEANT BILLIONS. His misguided sexism figured a woman doesn’t know the difference between millions and billions.
Would he have said the same thing in the same way to a man? Hardly. I imagine he would have said… “Hmmm. Interesting.”
In an online video that deals with Disney characters and how they influence children, entitled, Sexism, Strength and Dominance: Masculinity in Disney Films, by sanjaynewton, the Disney male heroes tend to project images of men who are
physically strong with good looks and a willingness to engage in violence. Women appear to be feminine in the traditional sense of conceding to a man’s strength.
Dominance is a theme and violence prevalent in the stories that most of us are familiar with from early childhood. Even when there are female heroes they usually defer to men or wind up as the object of a man. There is little in the way to say a woman who is unattached romantically is worthy. Women, for the most part, appear to be treated as sex objects who are there “… for pleasure or to please men. And heroes are usually handsome, buff males.” – as stated in the same analysis of Disney characters.
There is no question that these images are harmful to girls and difficult for boys who might be made to feel defective because they don’t measure up to how males are depicted. This may cause a large emotional breach from women. From my perspective I see this as a huge division that impacts later in life with adult relationships. What are we doing to the young generation of boys and girls? This perpetuation of artificial and antiquated male/female images has to stop – and soon.
SexyG
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May 1, 2011
By SexyG
What has happened to the institution of marriage? How has it changed and why? There seems to be a lot attention swirling around this mysterious bugaboo called marriage. We need to carefully examine what changes are taking place because it speaks to attitudes and philosophies among singles. The importance of knowing these types of trends gives us insight into this generation of single people, and in so doing might be a predictor as to what to expect in the near future. These issues impact economics, social security, birth rates and a multitude of other issues.
There is no question that within and around marriage something is brewing. For the first time in census history we have more singles than married. What does this statistic tell us? Upon further investigation we’ve learned that marriage is being put off and many people are not reacting to it in a traditional manner.
I want to make it clear that I am not demeaning the institution of marriage. It means a great deal to those who respect and revere it, and I offer no judgments. When it comes to having children I believe in marrying to make it socially acceptable. Although in today’s age it doesn’t matter for the most part if a child is born out-of-wedlock or not, but the underlying emphasis is on marriage as the better of the ways to go.
For many, marriage is being put off for various reasons; careers, limited means to meet singles, not feeling one has lived as yet, men who are reluctant to commit and fear of dating strangers. The average age of males marrying has upped to a median age of 27 years old (and older for college graduates), the highest age ever. Even though the overwhelming majority, approximately 93%, want to marry at some point in their lives they are holding off on marriage and simply dating or co-habituating. Of course, women marry older as well – 25 is the median. It was 22 in years past. Add to this phenomenon that the US is the most marrying country in the developed countries.
On the flip side, according to national statistics, marriages are failing at an alarming rate and men particularly, are reluctant to jump into the marital fray. Both sexes generally want to marry for love. Yet, when they do, at least 50% end in divorce. We are baffled even though we understand the many reasons. Why do so many marriages land in divorce court? The result of divorce creates havoc for a long period of time even if that is what was wanted. A bitter divorce can be traumatizing for a lifetime.
I want to address the pressures still existing in society that require people to marry, raise a family and move to a suburban house with a white picket fence. These expectations are much more prevalent with women than with men. Males have become more casual about marriage. Yet, this requirement to marry often comes from a society that has yet to pause and seriously examine why marriages are failing at such a high rate. A lot of marital pressure comes from parent who might not have a good marriage themselves – this ambivalence seems to emanate from demands what society deems is normal. That concept is rapidly being dismissed and changes are occurring at an even more rapid pace.
With more pressure placed on women, what is sometimes most ignored is: Are you suited for holy matrimony? Unfortunately, that is a question not asked often enough. Is it possible that 1 in 5 men are not marriage material as it has been observed? You must ask yourself, are you willing to compromise and bend somewhat or do you have requirements that are hard to live up to? What are your expectations? How do they intertwine with the personality of your intended? Are you on the same track or are you in denial that you have totally different goals and needs? These are questions that must be answered upfront.
When an unmarried, fortyish man is clearly heterosexual, in all probability he will be considered a stud, and for many men it is a preferable status that some want to continue as long as they can. In other words, being single and hitting around middle-age is not stigmatizing for a man as it is for a woman.
As far as the unspoken societal rules go, it’s okay for males to delay that magic moment. But an unmarried female is looked at as though she is a reject. If you take this unspoken (or shouted) perception to heart many women might be pushed to marry for the wrong reasons or feel unwanted. They are made to feel guilty as though they are deficient somehow.
Researchers in a study, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University gave their results in the annual report, “The State of Our Unions” 2002. The study explored men’s attitudes on sex, dating, meeting women, living together, marrying a soul-mate, the timing of marriage, social pressures to marry, divorce, desire for children and about balancing a job and having a family.
The study was entitled, “Why Men Won’t Commit: Exploring Young Men’s Attitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage.” The co-author, Barbara Defoe Whitehead, co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University founded in 1997, was featured on CBS, The Early Show . The study is based on 8 focus groups with 60 single men between the ages of 25 to 33 in four metropolitan areas; Northern New Jersey, Chicago, Washington, D.C. and Houston.
It focused on men since it appears that they have often been excluded in this debate. Maybe it’s because they are essentially calling the shots when it comes to marriage and calling them a lot more slowly than ever before.
Here is how men responded: They had few social pressures to marry. “They are more willing to live together than marry. They can get sex more easily without marriage. They want to avoid the financial fallout of divorce. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate. They fear marriage will require too many changes and compromises. They want to delay having children. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children. They want to own a house before they get a wife. They want to enjoy single life as long as they can.”
Men, generally, are dragging their feet about walking down the aisle while women are still yielding to pressure. Societal traditions may be far more embedded than we can ever imagine and women might give in or compromise in order to play by the rules. Because of that women may become less cautious about their potential mate.
Women tend to avoid being forthcoming about changes they want a future spouse to make because they might chase him away. This grocery list of demands is presented after marriage. More than likely there will be resistance on the part of the male. Suppressing honesty can create misdirected anger that will ultimately rear its ugly head, probably in inappropriate ways. That is a fast track for divorce. I suspect that men sense this hidden agenda or see other couples who have wound up in explosive situations because of it. Men are therefore encouraged to remain in the single mode. If you fear that straight talking before the big day will make him walk then you might consider taking the risk.
Marrying for the right reasons, of course, makes perfectly good sense. You love each other, aren’t afraid to say what’s on your mind in a kind way, share some interests (not necessarily all) and understand where each of you is coming from.
My advice for women who are eager to marry yet can’t find a mate: You are not half a person because you have no partner. You must be your own best friend, learn to enjoy life and like yourself even if you are alone. Stand strong against the labels society brands you with.
Dig in now and deal with who you are. Hopefully, it will be a great journey for the rest of your life.
SexyG
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March 3, 2011
-The Sexy G
I’m directing this article to mainly women because they seem to be a tad more at fault in this area. But since it does apply to both genders, both men and women – listen up.
Okay. You’re a woman or a man in a relationship. There are red flags cautioning you to beware. There are irritating personality traits in the person you’re with and you’re not even married yet. Sometimes the red flags are so numerous it looks like a hemorrhage.
But still you marry. Why?
The reasons are numerous, but here are some of the ones I hear most often; your family expects you to marry him, you’ve been together so long that starting to date again is repugnant, you think your love will grow stronger after marriage, all of your friends are married, you think you’ll change those irritating habits once married, and/or your biological clock is ticking. These rationalizations are insidious.
Here’s how it works. You weren’t totally happy during the courtship, but you feared that making too many demands would drive him away. Now, armed with a wedding band glinting up at you and waving a little piece of paper in your sweaty hand, you think you can safely proceed in trying to fix that faulty man of yours. It’s easy to lose sight of the fact he’s established a style of living during the courtship that he thinks is perfectly fine, and you haven’t contradicted that notion. Based on that, he figures you accept him as he is. He isn’t usually about to change.
Fact and fantasy intermingle into a muddied pool of misconceptions when one looks to marriage as a cure to problems in the relationship. That sort of thinking will drop you into a quagmire of quicksand, something detrimental in the long-term. Somehow, we think that there is something magical in becoming “legal” in the eyes of the law and we will be protected from all that is harmful in life. All that was wrong will turn right. Ha!
Once you declare, “I do,” many develop new expectations in addition to attempting to alter your mate. Maybe in the back of your mind you have some romanticized ideal of what your spouse should be – kind of like kissing a frog and turning him into a prince. You may expect your guy to morph into this idealized notion of what a husband should be. And your husband may also have a new set of expectations for his blushing bride. In the real world these expectations can’t be met.
Attention! Neither one of you isn’t about to change.
To all you who have fallen into this trap we know that if a partner was amenable to change, chances are you would have spoken to him before the big bang. For instance, if a woman waits until marriage to make changes, you probably sensed that it would be near impossible to get him to suddenly pick up his underwear from the floor, help with domestic chores, stop eating in bed, convince him children are necessary when he already said he didn’t want them – or whatever it is that you want to achieve in a relationship but haven’t gotten there yet.
So, despite those warning bells clanging in your head, telling your the man that you are dating, living with, engaged to or about to become engaged to isn’t for you, you shove that aside and marry him. You might even be fully aware that divorce is somewhere down the line. Often, when a woman hits her late thirties to late forties, and hasn’t been married she will think that being divorced is less stigmatizing than never having been married. She’ll even marry the wrong man. But divorce is too traumatic to take so lightly. It’s up there on the list of the major top 10 life stresses.
In an article published online taken from USA Today and written by Sharon Jayson, entitled, ‘With this doubt, I thee wed’: Some know marriage will fail, updated 10/14/10, she talks about real characters who knew they were going into marriage with a strong sensibility it will probably fail. Jayson says: “Stories of people entering marriages they felt were doomed from the start intrigued Carl Weisman of Torrance, Calif., whose book, So Why Have You Never Been Married? 10 Insights Into Why He Hasn’t Wed arrived last year. He says a divorced woman he knows said something he thought was quite profound” ‘ “I didn’t listen to my inner voice. I knew I was going to divorce him before I even married him.” ’
That’s startling. She knew she was making a mistake and still felt compelled to marry. Why didn’t she listen to her inner voice? It’s absolutely necessary to heed the warnings of every red flags or whatever you want to call it.
Someone I know said to me she resented a marriage counselor telling her how to behave in order to improve her relationship. She was thoroughly annoyed that the counselor didn’t address what she called the marriage, and instead she felt that he picked on her. Why didn’t she see that the marriage should be about two people seeking a deep friendship within a union – two people who are willing to compromise and find ways to engage in meaningful listening and conversation that go below the surface.
This friend talked about the marriage as though it were some mystical pairing that was supposed to plug in the missing pieces within her. That is flimsy thinking and buys into the smoke and mirror myth that you are desired and important if someone will commit to you in marriage, and it happens without a lick of work.
So, how do you avoid this disaster waiting to happen?
You must have in-depth conversations before getting married, ones that dredge up all that is in your mind. Tell each other about your notions of marriage, expectations and what it means to you. Only then can you start the process of coming to grips with reality.
Delaying honest conversations by thinking you’ll change him after marriage is perhaps the most significant reason for a break-up later. You’d better be upfront, hear what he’s saying without second guessing him, and both participate in laying ground rules for the future. If you don’t, you have inadvertently given him the impression that he’s fine the way he is. You must parade all your cards out in the open.
Every time I talk to a woman who is divorced I ask what she saw in that person prior to marriage that might represent some barrier to happiness. Many admit to having seen one to one hundred or more issues that might impede the relationship. That’s where reasoning has to supersede the heart (or call it outfoxing your own chemistry). You intervene beforehand.
One needs to get past the old bugaboo of denial and use some rational thinking like asking yourself – are there personality traits here that aren’t working for me? Will I be able to live with them or will I attempt to change them after marriage. That’s where the mental stop sign comes in. You can’t go into wedded bliss with blinders. If by some chance you have married an accommodating or compromising male who actually listens and wants to change, indeed, you have a bonus. But don’t count on it. You need to discuss these niggling problems prior to marching down the aisle, and it’s imperative that you do.
The love between you has to be strong to withstand a myriad of marital issues that will arise under the best of circumstances within a marriage. There must be stability and strength between you to make it for the long-term. Put a questionable relationship into the mix and there is big trouble unless you both face the facts. It’s easy to depend on some vague notion that romantic chemistry will sail you through the major barriers of a relationship. Not so. Like it or not, you have to roll up your sleeves and work on it.
You also need to make sure you don’t duplicate the mistakes in choosing a mate like you did with all the past dudes who were so wrong for you. It takes fortitude and courage to dig deeply into oneself for insights into your own behavior, but do it you must!
SexyG
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December 15, 2010
By The Sexy G
The holiday season put me into a contemplative mood. I imagined driving alone through the deserted, hushed streets the day after Christmas. Everyone inside, all warm and cozy with their gifts while I wander around the city.
I began to think about one of the blogs I wrote – do women really want sensitive men, those special men in touch with their feminine side? Or, are women unconsciously repelled by the very same qualities they say they desperately need in a partner? Then I thought that the image of Santa Claus gives him the ambiance of a sensitive man. He’s a philanthropist of the highest order, making sure every child get a gift. He is applauded and adored around the world and never even took an income tax break for charity.
So, I thought, what if Santa walked into a bar where the older set hangs out and sat next to me? How would I react? Here’s the picture:
I’m sitting in an upscale bar in Center City Philadelphia.
The bar is carved oak with a black marble counter top. Behind the bar are brightly lit, glass shelves with top-drawer bottles of liquor. There are very few patrons. I’m drinking an icy vodka martini and chilling out. A man, two seats down, is staring at me. I give him a small smile. He moves over and sits next to me.
“Want to buy me a drink, sweetheart?” he asks.
“Not really.” I say. ”Just kidding.”
He looks up.
“Hey, barkeep, give this nice lady another, whatever she’s drinking.”
I look over at this brash man who didn’t even ask me if I wanted another drink and find his appearance pleasing. He’s wearing a navy, cable knit sweater and tan slacks. His salt and pepper hair is cut short, but several strands sweep over a high forehead. His nose is large but quite appropriate for his tall, thick size. He’s solidly built and in his early sixties.
“I’m Jimmy.”
He extends his hand, and I shake it. It is cool and smooth to the touch, not a hand that belongs to a manual worker. It’s how I picture Jimmy to be – plastic.
“Okay. Are you married or otherwise engaged?” I ask
“Nope. Been there, done that a couple of times and have given it up for Lent. Just want to have fun now.”
At least he’s honest. Do I dare sound corny and tell him that I’ve been there, too, but want to have a terrific committed relationship now? I decide to keep quiet.
“You’re a pleasant looking lass, he says peering down my v-neckline at my cleavage.
Well, can’t say that wearing this outfit was accidental. We’re smack in the era of displaying cleavage and the tops of backsides. The latter is definitely not for me, but a little cleavage works wonders for a little attention. Oh, sometimes men are simplistic.
“Do you know why your marriage or marriages didn’t last?” I ask him.
“I wasn’t home much because I’m a workaholic and when I was around I watched sports on TV. What man doesn’t do that? I just didn’t get the kind
of woman who tolerates it. Then she cheated on me. But I’m not changing.”
“When you and your wife were together, did you enjoy intimacy? Were you a good listener and did you give your wife some quality time?”
“Hey, that’s chick stuff. I’m sure I was a good husband. I’m not great with domestic stuff. As a provider I did the best I could and loved my kids. Isn’t that enough?” He shook his head. “Look, let’s not talk serious stuff. If you want to have fun, I’m your guy.” He looks at me sideways. “I’m good in the sack.”
So, I’m face to face with a man who has the bad boy syndrome, and, I must say, it has some appeal. Why not be carefree and enjoy every second? No strings attached. Hey, next year arthritis might get me or some other damned illness.
Thudding footsteps sound behind me. I turn. Santa Claus is standing in the middle of the marble floor, removing his big, white mittens. I’m in shock. He walks over and sits next to me.
“Can I buy you a drink?” He asks. His beard has tiny icicles hanging from it.
“Sure, Santa. What are you doing here?”
“No one is home. I haven’t publicized it because it will upset millions of children, but Mrs. Claus passed away last year. The elves have gone to their own families. I was lonely.”
“Santa, you’re a super star. Thousands of people would invite you to dinner.”
Jimmy, seemingly unaffected by Santa’s presence, moves away and sits next to an attractive woman.
“It’s one of those oddities. You see, because I was busy pleasing everyone, I never developed close relationships. Children love me, parents love me, but with limits. It’s sweet and pleasant, but I’m not really an integral part of their lives.”
The bartender delivers the drinks. Santa had ordered a mint martini. We click glasses.
“I realized since my wife died that I was remiss in our relationship. I used my enormous fame and generosity as a ploy to keep from being close to her. We only talked about my work and the stresses that go with it. If my wife complained, I didn’t listen to her.”
…This even made me angry.
“I insisted that making toys for the children superseded herdemands for attention. So many people depend on me.” His expression turns weary. ”It’s only since she’s gone that I see blaming work for my failings was dumb. I feared love because it would make me vulnerable. The woman of my life meant so much to me, gave me everything within her capacity. I cut her off emotionally so that I might devote myself to the world. Giving my all to others was easier than working on my marriage with the one person who mattered most in my life.”
I finish my drink, grab his unfinished cocktail and down that quickly. Was this real? Or was I having a psychotic episode? I admit to
being a bit strung out from guzzling bourbon eggnogs yesterday, but this was beyond hallucinating.
“I opened up to one woman since my dear wife’s passing,” Santa continues. “She had champagne waiting for me when I came down her chimney. She’d heard about Mrs. Claus’ demise and thought we’d get along. I poured my heart out, telling her that I’d reevaluated my life and knew I’d missed so much in the pursuit of success. I wanted to change now, discover who I really was under this hand-tailored, red suit. I wanted to discover poetry and learn to cook. I let myself cry in front of her, told her how upsetting it was to always act strong even when I don’t feel it. I had always lived in constant terror someone might not like me and I became the epitome of a crowd pleaser. Now I want my image off of all those greeting cards. I would willingly trade my celebrity for love, passion and obscurity.”
He sighs.
“Suddenly, this woman got a look of horror. She told me I’d be a nobody. What did she want with someone like that? I said I’m looking for a woman who wants to be friends first, before we’re intimate.”
He blinks at me.
“She thought the idea of being friends first was gay. She asked if I had sexual relationships with the elves? That did it. With a clatter, I zipped back up the chimney. As I sailed through the air in my sleigh, I decided that I wouldn’t let her attitude stop me from seeking answers within myself. Somewhere, a woman exists who truly wants a sensitive man. I’ll search even if I have to miss next Christmas.”
He sighs and his blue eyes get a mischievous twinkle.
“When I first saw you, I thought you might be that kind of
woman.”
I look over at Jimmy. He sits alone now and gives me a big smile and a small wave. I stare at Santa, little beads of water from melted icicles cling to his brilliant, white beard.
“I’d love for you to dance through life with me until the music stops,” he says.
Or my tits fall off
- whichever comes first.
I say a little prayer that Santa is a vegetarian. Then I remember his fondness for his pet reindeers. He’d never eat meat.
“Santa, want to come back to my place?” I ask.
SexyG
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July 21, 2010
By the Sexy Gma
Recently, the tennis star, Venus Williams, got critically torn up in the press when she walked out on the court for the Australian Open dressed somewhat unconventionally in an unusually skimpy tennis outfit. Whenever she smacked the ball, the audience got a look at her flesh-colored panties. Personally, I thought it was really cute; she designed the outfit herself for her new line of clothing. What seemed to offend people, though, was that, supposedly, it looked like Venus wore nothing underneath her skirt.
Venus answered on Twitter: “I am wearing undershorts the same color as my skin, so it gives the slits in my dress the full effect.” Venus who has a fashion line called Eleven continued: “My dress for the Australian Open has been one of my best designs ever!”
So, if it was meant to look like she wasn’t wearing panties- So what? What’s new about looking at women’s butts during matches? Men have been watching women’s tennis to see cleavage, short skirts, and panty flashes for years. It seems to me, the camera men are waiting for those shots. Many of the photos taken during women’s matches seemed deliberately designed to capture the most anatomical parts.
I don’t hear complaints about men wearing speedos in swimming matches – much less clothing than Venus wore. Oh, right. The men get better speed in the water with those bikini-like swim trunks. Well, maybe skimpy tennis outfits make women more aerodynamic as well. No sleeves or skirts to get caught in the wind like a kite that might slow the star down or be distracting.
Venus was vilified for her immodesty. There were even some catcalls from the audience. This seems a bit hypocritical to me as the streets are full of women wearing postage stamp-sized dresses that are so clingy that I can sometimes see where women have moles that are in more private places. And the v-necks leave little to the imagination.
We’ve all heard the phrase that women who dress like that are looking for “it.” Listen up – these women are trying to attract men, not get raped. Usually, it works. Not long ago, I walked behind a couple – the woman wore a dress that ended and curve into the crease between thigh and buttocks. The man holding her hand was drawling into her cleavage. She certainly got his attention. I honestly thought it was a fine and found it amusing.
We have to ask the question: Are men who show their butt cracks looking to be raped, either by a man or woman? No, they are treated humorously and said to be “in” with the new styles. Who knows, maybe looking like a hard working plumber is all the rage.
Another example of over concentration on what women are wearing was exemplified in an article reported on msnbc.com, June 24, 2010, Woman: Bank fired me for being sexy. “…The single mom used to work for Citibank as a business banker at their branch inside the Chrysler building. She says her outfits for work were deemed “too distracting” by her male managers. They allegedly pointed to her rear and said her pants were too tight.”
It was said that she never showed cleavage, and after reporting the incident to human resources, management retaliated, giving her assignments with little preparation to perform the new tasks. Then she was fired.
Isn’t it incumbent on men to deal with female colleagues on a business level rather than look upon them as a sex symbol? Don’t males need to be in control of their behavior? Why does a woman have to be responsible for keeping the men she works with in line? Do we hear about men who are fired for wearing tight pants and leaving the top buttons undone on their shirts?
I once went to an art auction and the auctioneer wore sheer tight pants, no underwear and one could see, not only the outline of his penis, but the colors as well. His see-through pants didn’t bother me. I was just amazed that he had the guts to wear them, especially with a couple dozen people in the front row who couldn’t help but stare at his pubic area. Amazingly, no one reported him or made a fuss.
It’s a challenge for most women to find clothing today without plunging necklines or isn’t outrageously sexy. Remember, the fashion industry is dominated by men, trying for the combination that makes women’s clothing attractive to men like a bee to a flower.
On the flip side, we have another fashion dilemma. At Citibank the woman was approximately 5’ 6” and weighed 125 lbs. But in this new hullabaloo bigger women are caught in a controversy. In a Philadelphia Inquirer article by Maria Panaritis on June 4, 2010, entitled, Plus-Size Dustup, she said: “…A commercial featuring a plus-size model in slinky lingerie aired during American Idol in late April and May, but only after a full-blown dustup over whether the ad, with skin shots galore, should be edited.” It seems that plus size women have more cleavage, or so it was thought. I have to differ with that as implants have given small women large breasts.
Panaritis continues: “In the 20-second spot, a buxom woman is seen in Cacique brand bra and panties as she gussies for a lunch date with a man.” In my opinion, more skin shows when thinner women wear bikini bathing suits or underwear on TV than was shown by these ads.
It was reported that Fox at first refused to run the ad and then asked that all shots showing the upper torso be edited out. In the same Inquirer article they discussed how Lane Bryant, the store that features plus sizes, fought back. They used the internet for a marketing campaign that started a national debate as to whether “sexy skivvies” on a small-sized women is more acceptable than when put on a “bodaciously curvy Size 14?” This campaign was remarkably successful and drew 2.3 million online views at one point. We do have large numbers of women who qualify for being somewhat larger than what society deems is an appropriate size for women – namely skinny. Fox finally gave in and said they would run the unedited ad in the last 15 minutes of American Idol’s Wednesday night show, starting April 28 until May 19.
We never hear such a fuss being made when a beer ad on TV shows a pot-bellied man, lounging in an armchair in messy briefs. He might even scratch his butt as he calls for his woman to bring him refreshments. It draws laughs when, in fact, such images perpetuates male immaturity and disdain for women. But try to show a plus-sized woman in revealing clothing and editing is demanded and becomes a public issue.
We have so many sexy TV, movies, and ads with butts and breasts showing. There are even a series of ads with seemingly very young girls who pose in very seductive positions. But when a full-sized woman reveals skin there is a panic?
The saga continues. Whenever a woman is in the spotlight, no matter how esteemed her position, the focus is on her looks or size of her thighs or her hair style. And if she’s assertive and dressed conservatively she is often called a lesbian.
Come on people! Let’s not put the entire burden on women for their clothing choices, portraying them as bitches that lure men into dangerous situations by exposing tits and ass and promises of great sex. Concentrate on what’s below the skin line and under the skull. Then, when a good friendship is in place you will probably have a much better time. If done in that order, it might (or not) lead to hotter sex. Your chances are good.
Sexy Gma
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May 21, 2010
By the Sexy Gma.
I have been further perusing Eric Garland’s article, Reinventing Sex: New Technologies and Changing Attitudes, published in the online publication, Integrative Spirituality, March 24, 2010 with great interest. The title says it all. So, let’s talk about future expectations of sex in our society.
Believing that Garland has reached the apex of predictions, I read on to find it only gets wilder. In the section labeled: “Pornography and Voyeurism,” he mentions, “Specifically, there will be more pornography everywhere. For the first time, everyone will be only a click away from explicit hard-core pornography, potentially from inexpensive handheld devices that most, if not all, consumers can afford.”
Just when you thought the market for porno was saturated and had no other place to go – a new horizon is seen. Before, I likened porno to creative writing in which there are only a certain amount of plots available; (revenge, lust, love, hero saves the earth, etc.). I thought sexual positions, too, had certain creative limitations. There are so many sexual positions, variations on dildos and all those accessories. Hasn’t it all been done and said? It seems not so.
Garland talks of voyeurism and how popular a theme it is in television programing. Look at the popularity of reality shows. Everyone wants to see how other people behave in certain environments and in their own homes. Perhaps people find it exciting to compare their own lives with others. Maybe they get off on watching people in difficult or dysfunctional roles.
This great interest in wanting to know how other people live brings to mind the flip side of the coin of voyeurism. Some people, including some celebrities, enjoy taping their sexual experiences. And somehow the videos hit the internet and the world watches these people in the sack. A world-wide market is created to peek into your boudoir. Why would anyone want such a beautiful, intimate act to be sent across the globe? Is it exhibitionism at its highest (or lowest) point? This tendency of humans to enjoy voyeurism and even exhibitionism will dovetail with the coming trends. In the future it seems that cyberspace will have the capability of duplicating reality, making one feel they are participating in sexual experiences.
For instance: Garland continues: “Physical toys could improve with materials science producing substances that feel more like skin and with greater viscosity. Pornographic movies, the most popular form of sexual entertainment will see technological improvements on two fronts: computer graphic displays and haptics or “telefeel” technology that stimulates the body to create a sensation offered by the software. Both of these approaches intend to create more-realistic simulations.”
I interpret Garland’s description of haptics (and telefeel) to mean that the computer will telegraph and stimulate the senses. Telecommunication in this sense will telegraph “…pressure, vibration, texture, and heat back to a person to simulate the physical sensations of real objects.”
Again Garland says, “Once eye-fooling graphics are combined with haptics that simulate virtual physical worlds, technicians will create software to better simulate people’s sexual fantasies, approaching the limit of fooling us into believing they are really happening.”
So, this will simulate a sexual experience. There is a far-reaching road to hoe (no pun intended) when following the future porno path to ecstasy. What is the downside?
We have to ask ourselves what the effect of this ever-closer link to porno means to adults as well as children. Mature adults know the good and bad associated with pornography and may choose to watch at certain moments, perhaps to sexually stimulate a stable relationship or at intermittent unattached times in their lives. But to use the videos, toys and graphics on a steady basis to avoid a real relationship is questionable at best. Children exposed to this might grow up encouraged to think it is perfectly fine to negate the emotional component and lack of human connection in sex.
There are already large numbers of people addicted to porno and with easier and more elaborate access we may see the numbers multiply greatly. That obsession can only be seen as very questionable for good mental health. Watching porno for hours upon hours can serve to isolate people into their own worlds, disdaining conversation and intimacy. As a matter of fact, any obsession can have a debilitating effect on those who are caught up in it. (But if you are a cleaning addict I might be able to help when you see my apartment J). Just kidding.
What about the life-size dolls that have skin-like feel? Just think- you are having sex with a doll/woman who has a model number, can’t speak or think and might cost $5000 to $8000 and be made in China at a factory. YIKES! Then again, some might really like the – can’t speak or think part.
I can see using these toys for practice, occasional fun, if there is no chance someone will ever have a partner or there is a neurological problem that limits someone’s social interaction abilities. But for those who appear to be engaged socially and/or have a mate, reliance on these stimulators for physical needs on a long-term basis seems to me to be flawed. The most important aspect of sex is the mind and the emotional connection with another human. Yes, I said a good, old-fashioned human.
Well, bring on the future with all the gadgets and we’ll see.
The SexyG
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April 30, 2010
By the Sexy G.
To continue delving into the article, Reinventing Sex: New Technologies and Changing Attitudes, by Eric Garland, published in Integrative Spirituality 3/24/10, and I quote: “While a great deal of published research on sex today covers pregnancy, disease, and violence, comparatively little expert literature available deals with how sex will change in coming decades, according to a 2003 white paper by the Planned Parenthood Federation of America. This makes sense, because these topics pose the greatest risks to health and society. Very little research shows positive trends in human interaction. Not enough understanding exists to show how the basic human function of sexual behavior will shift along with trends in society and technology.
“The mainstream media cover changes in divorce and dating, but the ways in which sexuality and attitudes toward sex will change in coming decades are topics that require more investigation. Indeed, the media will cover many of these shifts, leaving fewer people to feel isolated about their natural inclinations. Unfortunately, few sexuality topics are deemed appropriate to discuss forthrightly, despite the fact that so much regarding sex is changing right under our noses.”
Wow, that’s potent stuff, but what does it mean for us? We already are aware that many people both men and women 55+ are engaging and thinking about sex into their advanced years. How has television and the internet affected us and how will it continue to have impact? Of course, porn on the internet is rampant. Even people in the workplace spend hours a day downloading porn. We’ve seen a some exposes of this happening in breaking news recently.
To continue what Eric Garland said in his article: “One arbiter of loosening public attitudes toward sex is that censors are relaxing on television. Television has come a long way from the days when married characters shocked viewers by sleeping in the same double bed. Clearly, television censors now allow much more frank discussion of sexual behavior…On an episode of CBS’s popular detective show CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, a murder victim is shown to be in a community of “plushies,” a group of people who enjoy sex while dressed up like stuffed animals. Never before has there been such an open discussion on the fetishes, proclivities, and preferences that are part of all human diversity. ”
I’ll never forget the first time I heard an ad for erectile dysfunction. I was kind of lackadaisical about it until I heard them say that a four hour erection could send a man to the ER. My first thought was that the man in that situation could hire himself out to several women for a period of time before heading to the ER.
But a world of revelation about sexuality and choices has emerged from the loosening of censorship which is a healthy thing I believe. Even sex toys have evolved into the electronic age (this for a later blog) for multiple and super orgasms.
Again Garland states: “Researchers are working hard to realize Woody Allen’s “orgasmatron” as visualized in his futuristic film Sleeper (1973). One U.S. surgeon has already patented a pacemaker-sized device implanted under the skin that triggers an orgasm, and begun a clinical trial approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.” (I wonder how that will work if you forget to turn it off during a job interview).
Hey, obviously from the blogs I’ve written I’m no prude and all of these new devices and changes are fine with me. But what does this say for the future? I’m looking for enhancement of the old-fashioned approach – one-on-one and person-to-person. Why isn’t there talk of improving and increasing personal intimacy? It all seems to be more in mechanical development where strides are being made. To me none of what I’m reading appears to improve actual relationships.
Why aren’t we talking about ways to minimize the different approaches as to how we socialize boys and girls? How can we make boys more sensitive and able to empathize, especially with a woman? Society encourages men to minimize or even demean emotion. Then when feelings are out of his realm of understanding we applaud that as he’s from Mars. Bull. It is so encoded in our rearing habits we don’t even notice when we do it to our children. There are unpleasant names for men who respond with emotion. This makes genders divisive and contributes to divorces.
I’m all for increasing sexual pleasure, but we have to be cognizant that we still want two humans involved. It reminds me of how frustrated we’ve become to being answered and helped by computers on the telephone. When we finally get a human voice on the line (if that’s even possible) it’s like a bright new world opening up and colors are much brighter. Same with good sex between two people.
The SexyG
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March 19, 2010
By The Sexy G
On Tuesday, March 16, 2010, an article appeared in the Philadelphia Daily News, written by Dana DiFilippo. I laughed out loud at the topic of the article – new cosmetic surgery for the vagina. But then under the laughter I sensed that another very subtle demeaning insult was being hurled at women.
There are certain medical issues that are rational and need to be attended to. Many women suffer from bladders dropping and protruding into the vaginal canal. These problems are often due childbirth and/or aging. There are other real issues that need medical attention. That’s not what I’m dealing with here.
In the article it stated; “The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported fewer than 800 vaginal rejuvenations in 2005. By 2009, the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery tallied more than 2,500.
“The cost of vaginal rejuvenation averages just under $4,000, according to the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery.”
There are names for the procedures that we can snigger at – vaginoplasties done to tighten stretched muscles in the vaginal canal and labiaplasties where they actually surgerize the ugly vagina to make it look nicer, even and prettier. PRETTIER? Are these rejuvenated vaginas going to become runway models?
I can envision a line of clothing for cosmetically repaired vaginas. Duded up mini-vagina dolls with mini cars, motorcycles, bikes and apartments. And will there be a Peter Penis for Vagie Doll? You can bet he won’t have surgery to take out the wrinkles, bumps, lumps and discoloration as this surgery does for woman. He might want some chemical to make him, ahem, taller, but surgery to make a beautiful penis? I don’t think so.
After reading the article I thought about starting a foundation for the care, repair and improvement of disfigured vaginas. They’d have to find a poster woman, willing to display her maimed private parts. Who out there will send money to provide surgery to make her whole again?
So, what are some of the other procedures done for cosmetic reasons? Hymens are repaired and so virgins are reborn. Why is that necessary to fake being a virgin? Women are sexual creatures and most have sex before marriage. Many even enjoy it. Does the Madonna Complex still exist (and I don’t mean the singer/actress) where men can’t tolerate the idea that a woman has gone to bed with another man? Yes, unfortunately if this procedure is offered and performed, there must be a demand to virginize women. I have been aware that this operation has been done for many years. Even if men aren’t saying this out in the open, the fact that such a surgery is performed at all tells us this need for virgins is alive and well and living just under the surface of male society.
I am reminded of the tradition of yesteryear where Chinese women were brutalized by breaking their feet, starting at a young age, in order to keep their shoe size small. She then walked with small, mincing steps, also thought to be feminine. Maybe they walked that way to keep the constant pain to a minimum. Later in life, these women were virtually crippled. My shoe size is a ten. I hate to think what would have happened to me.
DiFilippo also wrote in the article; “Critics charge that such procedures are genital mutilation. Doctors who offer the surgeries are nothing short of scalpers in white lab coats, they argue…Further, there’s little proof of practitioners’ claims that the procedures enhance sexual sensitivity, critics say.”
Obviously, I agree with the critics. Why do we need a good-looking woo-woo. Isn’t it bad enough we are made to feel inadequate about our looks, ages and bodies? Look at the advertisements, billboards, magazines – it’s about youth and beauty. Men can have big bellies, be unkempt and let themselves go but women always have to be on their toes – or stilettos to impress men (another, but modern way to destroy our feet).
There’s the Barbie doll that so many generations of women have grown up with and tried to emulate. But even Barbie doesn’t concern herself about her such matters of private parts. She doesn’t even have a facsimile of one. But maybe that smooth, uncluttered crotch might have unconsciously, in part, influenced women and men.
I’m sure there are many men who would protest this new trend in trimming, evening and fixing vaginal discoloration. I’d love to know how many guys look down there. Even during oral sex while giving pleasure to his woman, he can’t be thinking, “Hmm, There are so many bumps, lumps and discoloration. I think she needs some work.” As for penetration… well, I’d say that’s where the uneven vaginas are a plus. Just think – a woman can be a walking French tickler.
Folks, I have to say I will not check myself out nor feel the least bit demeaned for having a mature woo-woo. I think most women and lots of men would laugh, as I did, at the notion of a symmetrical, wrinkle-free, near invisible vagina. Doesn’t anyone care about personality and individuality down there? Are we all supposed to look alike?
SexyG
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March 10, 2010
By The Sexy G.
Why is it so hard for us to make changes? We spend years setting our lives up to function in some sort of orderly fashion, at least some of us do. When we are forced to change it can be heart wrenching. We yearn to go back to an earlier period where we have a fantasy that we had arranged a more of less smooth daily routine. Often, thinking back soothes whether our perception of the past is accurate or not. Perhaps that’s where the saying comes from, “No new is good news.” But is it true?
In an online article, Overcoming People’s Fear of Change, from the ACA Group, they said, “From the executive summary: …Initially, people fear the change. This fear stems from the fact that humans have fear of the unknown. Systematically orienting people to the change and the reasons for the change forms one of the key activities for successful change management…”
Change management? Well, there’s a new concept for me. What are some of the life- changing events and transitions that can happen to a lot of us? Let’s start with the introduction of children. CHANGE! We have a fantasy how that should work, but the reality is, more times than not, different from what we imagined. We raise kids, love them and do our best to bring them up to be moral, good and independent.
What we don’t realize is how disruptive it can be to our lives. Of course, mothers are supposed to endure and make the changes and most of do in our own fashion. But what if your husband can’t? Men seem less adaptable in the domestic arena, mainly because they have been told that’s not really their domain – no matter what people say about the new, modern man. I have spoken to many women in the twenty-five to fifty age category and they assure me that little has changed. Today, there are many words that speak to this evolved person, but in actuality he is harder to find than most people think. Although, I’m the first one to say he does exist.
If a man shirks responsibility they know that there their mate will, of necessity, pick up the responsibility. What they don’t take into account is that their wives can no longer dote on them, give them unconditional love, or look at them with adoring eyes, especially a working mother. Then she’s staring at him in a daze with red eyes and thinking what a bastard he is for not helping more. Not good for their relationship and their sex life in particular. But life shifted and CHANGED and some can’t go with the flow!
There is another kind of transition. After years of social interaction or non-interaction a new personality may emerge. A shy person might become social and visa versa. Perhaps when a different person appears, deep inside that persona might have been buried until the right time and circumstances allowed it to be released, but nonetheless there is a CHANGE!
I’ve heard many women say they were rather shy early in life and through the first stages of marriage. As they got older they got bolder. CHANGE! As they got bolder their husbands retreated more. CHANGE!
There are work related changes – particularly retirement. Some folks yearn to retire, relax, enjoy life, and smell the roses, as they say. The reality is that they often get depressed upon retiring, some seriously. If a person’s ego was very tied up in a career there is a sudden unanticipated sensation of tremendous loss. The losses include one or a combination of the following; structured days, camaraderie, control, importance, maybe even an office romance or the adrenalin rush of flirting. If they don’t have a hobby or some activity that comes close to being as satisfying as previous careers they can be in deep psychological trouble. CHANGE!
As we get older, we may experience a role reversal with children. My own children now caution me to slow down, don’t run, be careful crossing streets, make sure your shoes have rubber soles for non-slippage, don’t drink too much (if they only knew) and don’t be walking Center City streets at night (again, if they only knew). CHANGE!!
Aging is perhaps one of the most dramatic of all CHANGES! My advice is to think about it as little as possible. Get on with life. Load yourself up with activities that you love. Age will just be a number – and tell yourself you don’t do numbers. I know it sounds trite, but I’m not kidding. CHANGE the way you view all the boxed in rules and regulations as it pertains to age. Nothing should be age-related, not dress, not appropriate language, not places to frequent (like happy hour), not neighborhoods – just go for it. Gnaw the bone of living, don’t chew politely and follow the rules. CHANGE!
In an online article in Psychology Information Online developed by Donald J. Franklin, Ph.D. entitled, Cognitive Therapy for Depression, it states in a Summary of Cognitive Psychotherapy Approach, “…But, the essence of cognitive therapy is the assumption that irrational thoughts and beliefs, overgeneralization of negative events, a pessimistic outlook on life a tendency to focus on problems and failures, and negative self assessment, as well as other cognitive distortions, promote the development of psychological problems, especially depression Psychologist use cognitive therapy to help you identify and understand how these cognitive distortions affect your life. Cognitive therapy helps you to change, so that these issues will not rule your life. If you are feeling overburdened, that life is not working for you, and you don’t know what to do next, talk to someone who can help, consult a psychologist.”
The above kind of thinking is exactly what keeps us from implementing change. We often walk the middle of the road because we fear we’ll wind up in an even bigger mess. Get creative. Go out and soak up as much information about what you want to or are faced with changing. Weigh in on whether there are more pluses than minuses, and if you’ve got a few more pluses – go out and seize the day – and night. Make friends with CHANGE!
SexyG
Wild River Review is a non-profit, independent publication and depends entirely on reader support and donations for funding.
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