Wild River Review
Wild River Review
Connecting People, Places, and Ideas: Story by Story
May 2010
Open Borders

August 12, 2010

Why Are So Many Men Into Porn?


By the Sexy G

We appear to have an epidemic of men watching computer porno sites, even during working hours. To illustrate that, I use the Washington Post article: SEC porn investigation nets dozens. As reported on April 23, 2010 by Ed O’Keefe, the SEC probed 33 people for watching porn at work and several senior positions were involved.

One senior official working at headquarters admitted watching porn for as much as 8 hours a day on an office computer. I ask you, when did he work? In a regional office a staff member admitted to viewing porno on an office computer and on an SEC issued laptop while on official business. The list goes on. We are in serious trouble financially in this country, yet this disgraceful behavior continues, unchecked, for long periods of time. Haven’t these employees heard about our recession? The real insult is that the average salaries of these people averages in the $150,000 range.

Similar allegations appeared at the National Science Foundation, the National Park Service and even a judge of a US Circuit Court of Appeals. And then this woman working at Citibank, as she reported, is reprimanded for wearing tight-fitting clothing and told that her outfits were too distracting at the workplace? Is this the Jezebel Syndrome or the Adam and Eve debacle? Why are we blaming women for out-of-control men? Come on guys! So many of you watch hours of porn and then accuse a woman for being distracting in the workplace? Is she supposed to wear a nun’s habit or burka? Get the message?

This excessive viewing of porn begs the question: How do men view women? Do they just think they are sex objects? Is it more enticing to view porn alone and indulge in the usual masturbation that accompanies it than to be with a woman, or are they just addicts? I have to believe that pornography plays into how men are socialized – to be unemotional because it is too sissy to reveal a more vulnerable side to the world. I suspect men believe that distracts from society’s concept of masculinity and dovetails into his fear of not being in control. It stands to reason that a woman who is looking for sexual as well as emotional satisfaction presents a threat to those men who are trying so hard not to appear feminine. For these, I believe, insecure men it is much easier to have phantom sex with a monitor than with a woman.

I saw a play recently by a very well-known author. There were several men and two women actors. The female protagonist of the play was portrayed as a screaming diva with almost no redeeming qualities. The other woman was slutty.

I imagine if the man put his mother in the play she’d be the Madonna. What was startling about the drama was that the demanding bitch designated as the main character and (according to the title of the play) was supposed to be about her life, took a background position. It became a story about the men and their dilemmas as minorities, their sad backgrounds and their bravery in surviving the daily grind of life.

I find this play and its view of women telling. I do believe there exists underneath the layers of denial in many men a strong disdain for women. Often women in literature are portrayed by male writers in a similar manner. Either she is a bitch, a slut or servile no matter how intelligent or accomplished she is. Are these myths perpetuated by those men who feel that emotionally “surrendering” to a woman traps him and damages his pride (at least in his mind)?

I think that is why, in my experience, men turn a deaf ear to what a woman says she wants or needs as it pertains to sex cuddling or affection. No matter how many times a male may ask a woman what she likes sexually and otherwise, once she tells him, it is thereafter avoided. This type of male either tries to speed up the sexual process in order to disengage quicker and/or protects his manliness by never taking what he thinks are orders from a woman even though he asked.

To paraphrase Ethel Spector Person, Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University from her book, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters, there is a dread of loss of self that presents a big fear. Sometimes after sex or other intimate moments he might start a fight in order to distance himself emotionally.

The plethora of porn that is available 24/7 has created difficulties in many relationships. Men who become addicted to pornography take many hours away from the family, wife or a partner. It is like the old boy’s club where men can’t understand why a woman would object to their numerous hours of watching porn. After all, didn’t parents look upon boys’ reading girly and pornographic magazines as a rite of passage? Why then as an adult is he asked to stop the habit? It’s all part of being a man. Isn’t it?

The kind of porno available now is hurting young boys in their attitudes toward women, and they take that with them into adulthood. In porno we know women are objectified and that’s how young minds become wired. Even women are affected as they try to make their bodies more like the porn stars by having breast implants and in being submissive.

In an article (Health) that came out January 19, 2004 in Time Magazine, entitled, The Porn Factor, written by Pamela Paul. “In the Internet age, pornography is almost everywhere you look. But what is it doing to real-life relationships?” Paul continues, “Sometimes pornography tears couples apart. At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases.”
Paul quoted Mark Schwartz, director of the Masters and Johnson clinic in St. Louis, Mo. Essentially, he said there are several reasons why porn is bad. It objectifies women as nothing more than breasts, legs and buttocks and creates a need for visual stimulation for arousal. “The image of a lonely, isolated man masturbating to his computer is the Willy Loman metaphor of our decade.”
Yet, Paul writes, “Still, couples therapists sometimes suggest pornography as a way to refresh relationships or spark desire. Increasingly, women are game. Sociologist Michael Kimmel has found that each year more of his female college students approve of porn, which may reflect women’s increased sexual empowerment.”
But to paraphrase some of those findings, it is suggested that erotic material, rather than straight out porn may be used. While porn objectifies and debases women, egalitarian erotica can be shared and enjoyed by both.
Come on guys, put in some work, change your mindset so that you and your partner can be on the same page – face to face, skin to skin. Go for the real deal but really hear what she has to say. It’s not much fun spending hours upon hours alone and isolated. In my opinion, prostitution may be looking pretty warm and cozy when compared to the phantom sex of porn.

Sexy Gma

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