Technology is only as good as the people expediting the information. When it comes to apprehending criminals in something as serious as rape, it is vital for the information to be put out as quickly as possible in order to catch the criminal. Often, the DNA will match up with someone who is already on the books with a criminal record. Rapists often commit their crimes repeatedly. If there are big delays in sending out the results of a rape kit, it only allows a serial rapist the opportunity to continue to perpetrate his crimes on other victims.

In my last blog I quoted Solomon Moore of The New York Times who wrote an article October 25, 2008 entitled, Progress is Minimal in Clearing DNA Cases.

On April 30, 2009, op-ed columnist for The New York Times, Nicholas D. Kristof, wrote, what might be called, a complimentary article entitled: Is Rape Serious? In it he says; “When a woman reports a rape, her body is a crime scene. She is typically asked to undress over a large sheet of white paper to collect hairs or fibers and then her body is examined with an ultraviolet light, photographed and thoroughly swabbed for the rapist’s DNA.

“It’s a grueling and invasive process that can last four to six hours and produces a “rape kit” – which it turns out, often sits around for months or years, unopened and untested.”

My question is why in the world would the authorities go to such elaborate measures and then ignore the follow-up that is meant to locate and arrest the rapist.

As stated in the earlier blog, a great deal of money from the Federal government has been pumped into the states to speed up the process of using DNA to catch criminals. The majority of these cases are rape. With all that, you’d think the process would go so much faster. Not so.

In the same article as mentioned above, Kristof goes on to say, “Stunningly often, the rape kit isn’t tested at all because it’s not deemed a priority. If it is tested, this happens at such a lackadaisical pace that it may be a year or more before there are results (if expedited, results are technically possible in a week).

“So while we have breakthrough DNA technologies to find culprits and exculpate innocent suspects, we aren’t using them properly – and those who work in this field believe the reason is an underlying doubt about the seriousness of some rape cases. In short, this isn’t justice; it’s indifference.”

How can anyone think that rape is not a serious crime? For the women who have been raped, this is a horrific trauma that may haunt them for the rest of their lives. It is a violation of mind, body and spirit – something that often never heals. If you are a man, picture a woman or female child you love being raped, and sometimes beaten as well. It is an act of extreme violence.

Police authorities are male dominated. I have to wonder if that doesn’t have something to do with the seeming indifference toward rape. It is incredible to me that anyone would not consider rape a priority. Is there a conscious, semi-conscious or unconscious hostility toward women in many men? Because it is politically incorrect to demean woman, I believe these long-standing sentiments have gone underground and then manifests in passive/aggressive behavior toward vital women’s issues – especially rape. In any case we must take this anger out in the open and get it back into center stage so that it can be dealt with more rationally. We must eradicate this terrible divide between the sexes and reduce the continuing need to dominate and belittle women’s issues.

With this factor looming over male/female relationships, how can we expect to achieve the love we all seem to seek? We’re chasing our tails if much of the hostility that existed in the past has gone into hiding but continues to persist in attitudes toward rape and other major female societal problem. I’ve tried to address many women’s issues such as maintaining a glass ceiling in areas such as math/sciences, business, medicine and law. What is generally missed is that all of these buried attitudes affect an open meeting of the minds between men and women and ultimately impacts romance.

To the men, I ask you to consider certain concerns. Try to empathize. I ask you to put yourself in a woman’s position. I am convinced that if men had babies we’d have the most wonderful anesthesia that would not harm the infants and removed every trace of pain from the very first minor labor cramp. It isn’t beyond believing that if there were no such anesthesia and men did have the babies that would be the end of the human race because abortion would be a sacrament.

If men had to have their testicles examined like women do with mammography they would invent a wand that passes painlessly over the area to be diagnosed. If a man was forced to be a woman for a period of time, there would be a wonderfully potent aphrodisiac invented that was comparable to Viagra or better.

There is a paragraph in Kristof’s article that I find chilling: “Some Americans used to argue that it was impossible to rape an unwilling woman. Few people say that today, or say publicly that a woman “asked for it” if she wore a short skirt. But the refusal to test rape kits seems a throwback to the same antediluvian skepticism about rape as a traumatic crime.”

Impossible to rape an unwilling woman? How about a 200 pound man overpowering a woman who weighs well under that? How about a knife at your throat or a gun to your head, or a threat to your family? How could anyone have thought such drivel?

Guys, listen up for the sake of having better relationships with women. We don’t want to be angry at you for dismissing our needs nor is it fun for you to carry all that hostility around with you. We really want to stand by your side as equals so that we can love you and have you love us. The best relationships are where men equally participate with their partners and are tender, caring and understand the problems they face. It is then easy to love you back with all our hearts. That’s what love is about. Get it?

The sexy G franuc@aol.com

A good friend of mine gave me a book entitled, French Women Don’t Sleep Alone, by Jamie Cat Callan, Kensington Publishing Corp, 20009. Callan discovered how French woman approach the art of dating/flirting. She traveled through France, interviewing French women. Much of it makes sense, but I had problems with a few other issues presented in the book. The main grip is that most of the responsibility is put on the woman to snag a man. Well, that’s not so unusual. Many publications put the responsibility for catching and keeping a man on the woman.  

Many of her discoveries about French women and how they conduct their social/love lives seem quite sensible, especially when she dispels the myth that French women accept their husband’s infidelities and don’t make a big deal about it. She discovered that is not true. Paraphrasing, she said they are, not unlike American woman, not at all happy with that type of behavior. Hooray for the honesty.

Here is something Callan uncovered that bothers me “By building a coterie, the French woman creates a protective, yet ultimately porous, fence around her heart. This way, the man who is truly interested in her must work a little harder to seduce her. But because there are other men (and women) around her—remember, she mostly goes out in groups – it’s not so easy to see her alone. The man who wants to pursue the French woman is tested in a way. He must wait, he must made advances when there is an opportunity, he must be very patient, and yes, he must compete for her attentions.”

In my mind, it is akin to game-playing. It seems to me it sets the stage for extreme competition. Dating becomes an intense game and to the victor goes the spoils. So, after all that sweat and work, what happens when the man wins? When he has the woman completely entranced does he exhibit unconscious anger for being put in that position? Does he give mixed signals or get bored after finally making the conquest? I’ve seen that enough times – too many to count.

In the book, Callan suggests that French men might do things when pursuing a woman such as reading a book he knows she’s interested in or suggesting a film he knows she wants to see. I think it’s great. Each should do that for the other, especially if they share some of the same interests. But if he does it just to seduce her that can be trouble. They might not actually share the same interests and so when they become an item, they may be on different tracks and wind up feeling duped. Too many unconscious resentments may develop that can manifest in misplaced anger.

Callan does speak about French women being, generally, confident and with a good understanding of themselves. That to me should be a given for women globally and something everyone should strive for.

Another point she states: “French women very seldom become involved with a man that they don’t really know. French women often meet men through their family and friends. Many meet early on in school or university. Later they will meet through social clubs, mutual interests, travel, at parties (lots of parties), art openings and film clubs, oh and yes, at their jobs. However, rather than immediately focusing in on the one man of her dreams, the French woman will take her time and get to know several men. She will not reveal her availability right away—married/single/divorced/with boyfriend/without boyfriend/with boyfriend, but relationship on the rocks, etc. Rather, she will subtly flirt—mostly with her eyes and a subtle smile – and see how the man responds.”

I like the part where it’s suggested that one should know a man well before romance blossoms and it’s good to be involved in many activities where you can meet people of like interests. The French appear to disparage the one-on-one date. But, there are other issues in that paragraph I find disturbing. To me, not being upfront about one’s dating/marital status is deception by omission. When a woman is flirting or displaying interest in a man and she might have a partner lurking in the background, I find that unfair. Suppose the man she is flirting with is smitten with her, and she is married or has a boyfriend. Don’t we berate men for going into bars after having removed their wedding bands?

Hey, I agree with the notion that skirts with boots and/or a little cleavage or bare calves are seductive. As for using lotions and creams – yes, I agree, and the same for sexy lingerie. It helps her exude an aura of someone special and feminine. She will feel good about herself.

But when it comes to relationships, I think it must start with honesty from the get-go. Each must inform the other party of their marriage/dating/other relationship status. To do otherwise, is what causes men to accuse women of luring them and then dashing their hopes against the rocks – when it suits them. I would hope we live in an era when that kind of game-playing has essentially ended.

In my opinion, how can you trust someone who lied by omission and enticed you into thinking you had a chance for romance? Even if the man she chooses to flirt with happens to become her lover down the line, will he ever trust her again if she initially didn’t tell him her status?

Flirting is fine, but if you’re doing it with one guy to make the man you’re really interested in jealous, well, that doesn’t fly with me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s plain old manipulation. I see straight, upfront honesty to be the best policy whether you choose the one-on-one dating or the coterie approach.

 The Sexy G                                                                   franuc@aol.com