Wild River Review
Wild River Review
Connecting People, Places, and Ideas: Story by Story
May 2010
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September 28, 2008

WOMEN NEED TO GET SMART ABOUT MONEY

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — metzman @ 9:34 pm


by Fran Metzman

Women, you must take charge of your financial life. Perhaps
I’m addressing an older generation where women left finances up to their
husbands. Hopefully, a younger generation has greater incentive and knowledge
about money. Either way, I’m addressing the issue because of what many women
have told me. 

 

When my husband got sick and subsequently died six years
ago, I was in a muddle financially. There I was, caring for an ill husband,
grieving with the knowledge he’d never get well, and having the economic
responsibilities thrown into my lap. I was in the dark.

 

Not only did I have to learn how best to handle money,
considering the present and the future, I had to go through a maze of
government regulations, a jumble of confusing rules governing pensions and figure
out the best and most effective way to leave the money to my children. It took
me two years to get into a semblance of a rhythm.

 

To add to the morass there was a plethora of “experts” eager
to help. You would think that was a plus. In fact, it was the most devastating
and draining part of the process. Facing the onslaught of miles and miles of
IRS regulations was a piece of cake compared to the “advice” given by these barracudas.
They swim in the waters of women who are divorced, widowed or single, looking
for the jugular. A woman who is alone is an ideal breeding ground for gluttonous
vermin to step up and introduce themselves.

 

One lawyer told me that I needed to revise my estate which included
a will my husband and I had completed the year before. There were two important
elements missing from the documents I had given him in a timely fashion. The
cost would be $5000.00. After I picked myself up from the floor, I went home
and went through all every piece of paper I could lay my hands on. I read very,
very carefully for the first time. Having to shell out big bucks is a great
incentive to familiarize myself with the overall picture. I discovered that I
already had the two components he recommended. How about that?

 

In another incident, someone my husband used for many years as a business
advisor told me he’d be glad to help me do some planning. Oddly, I discovered I
was paying him much more money than he had charged my husband in previous years.
Costs for phone calls showed up on my statements, something he had never done before.
I immediately stopped asking about his family or allowing my conversations to
drift into social amenities. Too expensive to hear about what his kids were
doing in pre-school. He arranged meeting after meeting with me and went over
the same material until I was blue in the face and red in my pocketbook. I
finally had a confrontation with him and moved on.

 

Women need to arm themselves early in their lives and
thoroughly. Although it is best done at a younger age, it is never too late to
learn. It’s not a fun thing to do, but it is far worse to have someone rip you
off. I’m often told by women that they sign the IRS tax statement each year
without ever looking at it. Some don’t even know how much their husbands earn.
That statement is exactly the place where you can find out all you need to know
– how much earnings, savings, investments, losses, gains and many other details
that are necessary when figuring out your financial future.

 

Obviously, too many women I know depend on their husbands to
do all the financials. Not good! Of course, you trust your husband – that is,
until he decides to take off with the young secretary in his office and has
emptied all the accounts. Or if he dies and leaves a financial mess that he had
always intended to take care of and never did. With your participation, you can
see to it that all is in place before sickness, desertion or death forces you
into catastrophic circumstances.

 

Women. Take charge of your life!! Your financial future may
depend on it.

Share your thoughts.  Send a note to:                      

The Sexy G. 

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September 13, 2008

A PLEA FOR SARAH PALIN

Filed under: Uncategorized — metzman @ 7:20 pm


I don’t want to deal with
whether or not Governor Palin is telling the whole story about how she plays
politics and economics in Alaska
– pipelines, bridges to nowhere, library disputes or free market capitalism. I
want to focus on her individual belief system and how it might impact on those
who differ from her. Are our guaranteed freedoms in jeopardy?

 

For one thing, she wants creationism taught in public
schools. What happened to separation of church and state, a concept that most
Americans value? Keeping religion out of government has been a major, rock-solid
foundation to this country achieving greatness. Palin has to take a long hard
look at some of the countries that impose one dominant religion on their
populations no matter how others might feel. It is the basis of civil war,
strife and, in some instances, genocide. If Governor Palin values the cultural
diversity of the US,
which I believe she does, how can she reconcile imposing her religious beliefs
on those of other faiths by putting creationism in the schools?

 

Let’s take the next and perhaps the most explosive issue –
abortion. I find her anti-choice stance the most disturbing. Both she and her
daughter made a choice about having children. That they want to deny the same
privilege of choice to others is appalling. To me, Sarah Palin represents a
real threat to the future of women and men who wish to make major decisions
about their own lives without political interference.  

 

Palin suggests children who are born to parents who are unable
to care for them because of personal, emotional, psychological or financial
reasons should have them anyway and hope for adoption. Failing that, these
children should be placed into the foster care system. Sticking more unwanted
babies into foster care is horrific. We all hear about the alarming statistics
coming out of a system that often breaks down, is overburdened, lacks proper
funding and is frequently dysfunctional. It is not unusual for these children
to be poorly cared for, abused, underfed, moved around to numerous locations,
and offered little to no love or care. Even with abortion being legal in this
country, the foster care system is still, generally, unable to keep up with the
enormous case load. What will happen to an already broken system if we outlaw
abortion?

 

On the issue of gay rights – I am stunned. Here is an
intelligent, educated, somewhat politically savvy woman who has to have seen
discrimination against minority groups. Where is her sensitivity? Why would she
give them second-class citizenship? Palin demands the privilege to live her personal
life as she sees fit. Gays have the same rights. No?

 

Now for the environment which impacts every citizen as well
as the future of this country. For instance, Palin wanted to take polar bears
off the endangered species list and she opposed protections for salmon from
mining contamination. Why? Is she business as usual? To me, it sounds like a
politician protecting the out-of-control demands of corporations. Is she a
warrior fighting against big money or buckling under?

 

Palin is opposed to explicit sex education programs. Wake
up, Sarah Palin. This is an era where adolescents are having sex at ages –
eleven, twelve and thirteen and maybe younger. Do we want more babies having
babies? These are young girls whose potential future is halted by having and
keeping children at a time when they are ill-prepared to even take care of
themselves. We have pedophiles stalking young children and, with the advent of
computers, the problem has become rampant. Do we want children to engage in
sexual activities, ignorant of the consequences? If they are not well educated
at a young age, they easily fall prey these predators.

 

Sarah Palin, now that you might be moving to a larger platform
in Washington, D.C. and, of necessity, have to think more
globally, I plead with you to come into today’s world with all the attendant
issues and problems that demand a rational approach. Thrusting ideologies conjured
up in an era of poor education, superstition and ignorance will only damage
this country. Don’t disregard the hard-won advances the Women’s Movement has
made. Don’t throw us back into a repressive era.  

 

I’m on bended knee, asking you to take a more enlightened
look around at the disadvantaged (and even the advantaged) that you want to have
the babies they can’t take care of, the gay couples who are not given the same rights
that heterosexuals have, the environment deeply in need of protection, keeping
state and church separated, and educating our children with explicit sex
educational programs.

 

This country can no longer afford the high school prom queen/football
captain mentality. It has done too much damage. It’s over!! Over!! Just open
your mind and heart, Sarah Palin, even if you don’t get elected.

 

Maybe Sara Palin is good for Alaska, but is she good for the country?
Everyone realizes that if the ticket, McCain/Palin wins, it puts Palin a
heartbeat away from becoming President of the United States. WOW! 

 

 

 

 

The Sexy G                                                                    
franuc@aol.com

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September 5, 2008

WHAT IS THIS DISEASE CALLED AFFLUENZA?

Filed under: Uncategorized — metzman @ 6:01 pm

In a book entitled: AFFLUENZA: The All-Consuming Epidemic,
by John DeGraaf, Thomas H. Naylor and David Wann they defined affluenza as, “a painful, contagious, virally transmitted condition of overload,
debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more.”

There is an unending supply of issues that affect
relationships both good and bad. In my blogs I try to deal with as many as
possible to better understand what many consider to be a mystery – successful coupling.
The one I’d like to talk about now is a biggie. MONEY! We all know that money looms
large in relationships. Some believe it to be the biggest stress factor. Lack
of funds can push any couple to the edge. With hard work, careful budgeting,
comparison shopping, and especially consideration of what each person is
dealing with, the situation can most times be managed. Still, it can be the
cause of depression and mental illness and impinge on personal interaction even
under the best of circumstances. On the other hand, substantial finances and/or
acquiring wealth and items that symbolize riches can also create enormous
tension.

 

Psychologist Oliver James deals with the topic of wealth accumulation
and how it affects our thinking and emotional life. In an article reported in
The Guardian, January 24, 2007, James said, “I have discovered that citizens of
English-speaking nations are twice as likely to suffer mental illness as ones
from mainland western Europe.”

This statistic is quite a revelation to me. James goes on to say, “What
explains such a massive difference? It is extremely unlikely to be genes –
English-speakers largely come from the same gene pool as Europeans. Indeed, the
World Health Organisation study of mental illness in 15 nations, on which my
analysis is based, strongly implies that genes play little or no part in
explaining national differences in mental illness, and that among developed
nations economic inequality is highly significant.”

 

I interpret it to mean that the disparity that arises from
the unequal distribution of incomes (those who have it and those who don’t) in
society plays a major role in mental illness.

 

It is upsetting to struggle to survive. On the flip side are
a large number of people who are comfortable economically but strive mightily to
climb to the next level up. A unrelenting need develops to be on “top” at all
times, followed by an intense scramble to buy more “toys” in order to gain
unquestioning admiration from others. The overwhelming drive for money can have
an adverse impact on mental stability. This, in turn, pervades the quality of
relationships.

 

Again James says, “The US is by some margin the most mentally
ill nation, with 26.4% having suffered in those 12 months. This is six times
the prevalence of Shanghai or Nigeria, a huge
discrepancy. Again, genes do not explain it – studies show that when Nigerians
move to America,
within a few generations they develop American prevalences.”

 

As I see it, affluence can be just as stressing on a
relationship as poverty especially when the accumulation of wealth becomes an
obsession as it frequently does. It can lead to an unhealthy emotional life and
become self-destructive. Our society appears to revere wealth and status symbols
of accumulation, and tends to give unconditional adoration to the wealthy no
matter how ruthlessly they may have been in reaching their status.

 

James strongly states, “Selfish capitalism causes mental
illness by spawning materialism, or, as I put it, the affluenza virsus –
placing a high value on money, possessions, appearance (social and physical)
and fame. English-speaking nations are more infected with the virus than
mainland western European ones. Studies in many nations prove that people who strongly
subscribe to virus values are at significantly greater risk of depression,
anxiety, substance abuse and personality disorder.”

 

As for my own opinion, I see “affluenza” as an addiction no
different than other addictions. For many who have been infected and set out to
amass the most money they possibly can doesn’t necessarily mean they enjoy
life. With each possession purchased, the thrill is limited, similarly to the
use of drugs. When a drug high wears off, many addicts find themselves
depressed and unhappy. A similar thing can happen with an addiction to wealth
and purchases. When the glossiness of purchases loses glitz, a real downer may set
in. Using money for escapism is usually a temporary high – it has a short-shelf
life. But it leads to a need for greater accumulation to keep re-experiencing the
adrenalin rush. 

 

For one thing, large displays of wealth are socially
acceptable even though it is just another type of addiction. Unlike using alcohol
or drugs to self-medicate an internal empty feeling, the pursuit of wealth is an
addiction society applauds rather than sneers at like the falling down drunk.

 

The quick fix that buying gives may put off having to
confront a gripping internal despair and handily allows for denial. Wealth gets
instant accolades from the hordes of people who equate a substantial financial
statement with intelligence, cunning and smarts.

 

This desperate need to become monied can dull appreciation of
the individuals with less income but one who may be caring, giving, loving, and
sensitive – particularly to the disadvantaged. It is not hard for emotions and
feelings to be lost in the stampede of acquisitiveness.

 

When affected by “affluenza” couples generally communicate on the
basis of materialism – what to buy next or how to make more bucks. This kind of
behavior encourages functioning in a shallow, one-dimensional track and is in
danger of becoming mired in an ongoing spending frenzy. It quickly becomes a habit
to acquire bigger and showier objects in order to achieve a continued high.
Inevitably, the fleeting giddiness of accretion passes and desolation may rise in
its place.

 

So much is missed between couples who engage in the spiral
of emotional and energy-depleting acquisitions! That lifestyle leaves little to
no room for coming together to explore each other, discover meaningful
insights, join the big dig into the inner folds of each others psyche, and the
enjoyment of human connection that lasts forever. Developing this is not always
easy, but when successful the rewards are great.

 

A more harmonious atmosphere coming from a search for quality breeds better mental health,
and, generally, a better sex life. There is no better feeling than real
communication, warmth, humor and good will between two people – no matter what
the financial circumstances? It is very seductive, and it stands to reason that
a more satisfactory emotional lifestyle produces the best foreplay.

 

I am convinced that achieving high marks for making your
relationship work is far more important to your mental health than joining the compulsive
race for monetary gains. Good mental health = great sex life = good orgasms = healthier
life and better sleep patterns. Life is wonderful.

 

 

 

 

The sexy G                               

                                                                        
For comments:   franuc@aol.com

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