Yes, many older women do talk dirty. They might discuss the
presidential campaign, and the war in Iraq, but then it’s right back to the business
of what’s hot about current boyfriends or maybe other matters related to sexual
issues — often in a humorous context.
They want details: First,
can he do it (a good question at this stage)? How often? Positions? Creativity in bed? Is
he adventurous? Does he make sure you have an orgasm? Is he slow (in all
probability out of necessity)? Does he like foreplay? Is he gentle? Do you do
oral? Does he romance you at dinner? Do you shower together? Do you do phone
sex? How about fantasies? Is there dirty talk during love-making? When do you
do it – first, second, third date, much
later or not at all. Dating for many of us is new, coming out of divorces or
into widowhood. We find ourselves clueless about modern dating behavior. Worst of all, we’re dragging with us behavioral dictates from the past.
Women might even ask about a man’s performance after having
been treated for prostate cancer – a big issue for us. The usual
treatments have been known to leave a man with some sexual dysfunction. With an
open mind, it’s not necessarily a downer. That’s where the creativity part
More than likely, older women discuss questions about preparation
for a date with when they’ve become intimate with a man. The preparation is a bit
more labored because we need to get ready in a different way than when we were
younger. I’ve found that, in my interviewing, more women than not go for a
bikini wax or shave in private places prior to the big event.
There’s the requisite thorough scrubbing of all body parts,
the body lotions and primping. Added to this might be a skin-tone concealer over
a discoloration here and there. I depend on an older man’s eyesight being
somewhat less acute, and, often, the volume of whispering sweet nothings has to
be ramped up a notch or two.
Because our responses have slowed down a bit, some women
have admitted to a tad of self-stimulation just before the date arrives so they
can better coordinate the big bang. Am I in this elite group? I won’t tell.
There was a terrific implosion when women who were once traditional
and reserved decided to let it all hang out (in the figurative sense). They
revel in the freedom of sharing slivers of their secret lives they’d never dreamed of
doing before. For many, it is like a breath of fresh air being unshackled from sexual repression.
We are talking about women in their 50’s, 60’s and plus who
are products of that earlier era. When free-loving of the 1960’s hit, a slew of
women walked the edges of this new world or silently watched from a distance.
They were young when the sexual revolution came out of the closet with a huge
bang. The sudden shift to a society overtly accepting sexuality
among unmarried people got rammed down their throats (not meant to
be a pun). The Sexual Revolution hit the ground running.
This era ushered in sex clubs where you could get any possible
configuration of people. Key clubs popped up, private parties where a bunch of
people you knew (but not necessarily) dropped keys in two bowls – male/female. Individuals
randomly picked one key and bedded the owner. These parties seem dated now in
an atmosphere of permissiveness with little to no chastising.
29, 2004, extracts of Professor Alan Petigny’s research, UF study: sexual
revolution began with ‘silent generation’ of ‘40s and ‘50s, were quoted by the
writer, Cathy Keen. Professor Petigny is a
history professor. He said, “People didn’t start having sex because Elvis
Presley was shaking his hips or because Hugh Hefner came out with Playboy. After 15 years of Depression
and war, there was also a desire on the part of Americans to live in the moment
and enjoy life, and they were accordingly less likely to defer to traditional
restraints on their behavior.”
This might have applied to a segment of the population, but
a great number of women at that time adhered to the old restrictions of refraining
from having sex until they married. I can clearly remember being told that I wouldn’t be able to get a good husband if I wasn’t a virgin. I’d be shunned as unmarriageable,
and known as a fast woman. And, once used, I’d be promptly dumped and labeled a
slut. We were brainwashed to keep hymens intact – or else.
This concept was reinforced by movies of the fifties – I
like to call it the Chaste Syndrome. The message I got from those pictures was
that the financially strapped main female character who usually abstained, in
the end got the gorgeous hunk, beautiful clothes, exotic makeup, a luxurious
home filled with top shelf booze and gourmet food – the rewards of being the
proverbial “good girl.”
As a young kid and coming from a poor background, I found
that intriguing. Was that all a woman had to do – reign in sexually until the
right moment and everything good comes to you? It took quite a while until I found
out that mistresses often do a lot better than the “little woman.”
“The crucial distinction between the ‘40s and ‘50s and the
1960s are in differences between conventions and conduct – what people said
versus what they did,” Petigny said. “During the ‘60s, Americans simply were
more willing to acknowledge the extracurricular sexual activities of the young
than they had been during the previous decades.”
Now they tell me. I really thought the majority of older teenagers
of my era were as misinformed as I was, and kept their virginity intact. Well,
blow me down (again no pun intended). Yet, the mores of abstinence for the
female population created havoc, probably for many years to come. Often, after
marriage, they were not expected or invited to enjoy sex. Instead the role the
played was to pleasure their husbands in addition to having the home cooked
dinners ready along with iced cocktail when the the man of the house came home
Against this backdrop, it’s no wonder many older women have
broken out of their shells and talk dirty. Some of us have become foul-mouthed,
wild and crazy women and love it. We enjoy saying fuck and do the dirty deed as well. Of course, there any number of
my female contemporaries who verbally adhere to the mores of the ‘50’s for the
sake of what they call propriety (whatever that means) and fear of what others
may think about them. I ask those who fit this category to please not judge
others. For one thing, you might be engaging in similar activities behind closed doors.
If you do happen to indulge when no one is looking, have a good time.
For myself, and I think I speak to a large number of mature
women, I’ve entered the age where I want to
enjoy life to its fullest without harming a soul. I’ve spent too many years listening to self-styled
pedagogues yapping about decorous behavior while quite a few them didn’t adhere
to their own principles.
Advanced age has freed me up to run naked into the night
(please forget about body image). The worst you can accuse me and my cohorts of
is senility, a good cover for having fun and doing what we want when we want.
It’s a window of freedom for us, and I intend to go kicking
until the last possible moment.
If you’d like to contact me, write to my e-mail
I appreciate any and all comments – positive or negative
The sexy G