PROSTITUTION IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES
I had no intention of writing about the recent drama
concerning the governor of
Eliot Spitzer. At the moment, the news is in your face – TV, newspapers,
online, bars, party talk – everywhere. But since I previously wrote two blogs
on prostitution, mainly about the former Madam, Heidi Fleiss, I thought it
fitting to continue along the same lines. Now in Heidi’s case she was trying to
promote the concept of a legal brothel for women, and I wrote tongue in cheek
about the question of women paying men for sexual services.
Here I want to deal with the damaging social aspects of prostitution
rather than political implications. We all want to know why Governor Spitzer
jeopardized his wonderful career for what appears to be casual sex? What is the
pull of men, not only in high places, to engage prostitutes? Why do they put
themselves in danger of losing hard won careers and families? What an enormous
price to pay for a handful of orgasms. How much better are the orgasms that men
have with hookers? Or is the artificial flattery that she offers the main
attraction. Everyone knows that prostitutes aren’t necessarily enamored of client’s
sexual prowess or their brilliant minds. It’s a business for heaven’s sake. Their
wallets are more prized than their penises. What makes these men so dense?
It’s suggested in the media that Governor Spitzer spent thousands
of dollars in his pursuit of sex with prostitutes. WOW! Is it the thrill of
doing something illicit, the ability not to be emotionally involved, or the complete
control that is so attractive? Or is it the ease of not having to make the
effort to see that your sexual partner has a REAL orgasm? Guys, please tell me
what the draw is? Why are you willing to pay for sex when it is available for
free all around you? I have to assume that the task of charming a woman,
earning the sex she might offer is too much work.
In a book called, The Idea of Prostitution, the author,
Sheila Jeffreys, Ph.D, says: “…The sexual revolution did not end prostitution because
what men want from prostitution is not just sex but power and lack of need for
reciprocity.”
Does the purchase of a prostitute’s in/out services
(figuratively and literally) have much more appeal because you don’t have to expend
an ounce of emotional or intellectual energy?
It is generally believed that more men than ever use
prostitutes. Did the sexual revolution remove the sizzle of illicit sex? Perhaps
it made sex analogous to eating, breathing air and drinking water so that the
dazzle is gone. It is possible that men go so far as to encourage the lack of a
hot sexual relationship with their wives because they are mothers and who wants
to think about sex with their mother. The fantasy of the hot, passionate,
younger woman lives on in the imagination, and the prostitute is willing to go
along with that image for pay.
We’re talking about evolved, intelligent men who go to the
edge. Maybe it is like some wealthy people I’ve known who are compelled to commit
fraud for the adrenalin rush. It could be an addiction to danger or sex or
both.
Here’s another idea. Have we raised a society of emotionally
detached men? It seems to me that sex with a prostitute is like sex with an
animated blow-up doll with a recorded message. It obeys, coos, tells you you’re
wonderful, fabulous and a great lover. Then you deflate it and stick it in the
closet until the next time. More than likely, a prostitute is easier because
you don’t have to let the air out. You roll over in bed while the woman dresses
and lets herself out.
But there is a serious issue that might be overlooked when
we treat prostitution lightly. It is believed that a high percentage of
prostitutes have been sexually abused in childhood. It has perhaps led them
into a world where they need to repeat the abuse by being degraded sexually.
Andrea Dworkin delivered a speech at a symposium entitled “Prostitution:
From Academia to Activisim,” sponsored by the Michigan Journal of Gender and
Law at the University of Michigan Law School, October 31, 1992.
“And so, many of us are saying that prostitution is
intrinsically abusive. Let me be clear. I am talking to you about prostitution
per se, without more violence, without extra violence, without a woman being
hit, without a woman being pushed. Prostitution in and of itself is an abuse of
a woman’s body. Those of us who say this are accused of being simple-minded.
But prostitution is very simple. And if you are not simple-minded, you will
never understand it. The more complex you manage to be, the further away from
the reality you will be—the safer you will be, the happier you will be, the
more fun you will have discussing the issue of prostitution. In prostitution no
woman stays whole. It is impossible to use a human body in the way women’s
bodies are used in prostitution and to have a whole human being at the end of
it, or in the middle of it, or close to the beginning of it. It’s impossible.
And no woman gets whole again later, after. Women who have been abused in
prostitution have some choices to make. You have seen very brave women here
make some very important choices: to use what they know; to try to communicate
to you what they know. But nobody get whole, because too much is taken away
when the invasion is inside you, when the brutality is inside your skin. We try
so hard to communicate, all of us to each other the pain. We plead, we make
analogies. The only analogy I can think of concerning prostitution is that it
is more like gang rape than it is like anything else.”
So, I call on all men to cease and abstain from using
prostitutes. Sure, I know it won’t happen, but let’s at least take pause to look
at it from a new perspective.
The sexy G
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