I would love to have a family reunion with relatives on my
father’s side. The siblings and their offspring were never very close and
rarely got together, but there is a very good reason for my desire to reunite. Let
me go back a bit. At age nineteen, I decided to drive across the country with a
friend in a beat up old car. That’s all we could afford. The old Chevy broke
down a few times and once it happened in the Nevada desert at night. The sheriff, not
wanting us to be stuck there during the heat of the next day, pushed the car
for thirty miles until we came to civilization. I was young, eager for
adventure and naïve. Never did I realize what might transpire forty and some
odd years later.

When we reached California
I looked up the cousins I had never met on my father’s side. I came from a
poor, South Philadelphia background and here I was meeting my relatives who
lived in the San Fernando Valley in
upper-middle class splendor (I thought at the time). These first cousins were
quite a bit older. As a matter of fact, their children, my second cousins, were
contemporaries of mine.

I gravitated to one of my second cousins in particular. Elissa
was kind and gracious, introduced me to a few of her friends and showed me some
sights. After a time, I left California and
headed back to Philadelphia.
Later, I heard Elissa married a pediatrician by the name of Paul Fleiss. Elissa
and Paul then started a family.

One of their children was Heidi Fleiss. Does the last name
of Fleiss ring a bell for anyone? I’m sure you all recall the notoriety
surrounding Heidi Fleiss, the former Madam. Although I lost track of Elissa
over the years, Heidi was the name came back to me in the form of newspaper
articles.

My family is hardly distinguishable, on the surface, from
other families. So, Heidi, you might say, is our celebrity. Her past has given
her a lot of media attention, and every move she makes the press seems to be there.
Presently, Heidi is talking about starting a new venture – a legal house of
prostitution where men service women. She’s even received communications from
men wishing to be employed by her.

If a brothel for women isn’t a first, it is certainly is a
rare concept. It brings to mind other aspects in society that have totally
ignored women’s needs like sexual stimulants. Viagra for men is a huge business.
There isn’t anything on the market that is comparably effective in creating
greater sexual desire in women. Also, for a long time, it was thought that
women didn’t have heart attacks and when they complained about chest pain, they
were dismissed as head jobs. Now, only in recent years is it finally recognized
that heart attacks in women is an enormous killer.

Heidi Fleiss now lives in the middle of the Nevada desert, one hour outside of Las Vegas and the brothel will be in a
location where prostitution is legal. She owns sixty acres of scorched desert
in Crystal, Nevada and a laundromat called, Dirty
Laundry, in Pahrump.

Heidi was interviewed in a recent edition of Elle Magazine. This
is an excerpt: “…the former Hollywood Madam, the woman who made millions of
dollars in her early twenties providing fuck buddies for Charlie Sheen and
sending call girls to Bush (the elder) fundraisers on the arms of senators, the
daughter of a Jewish pediatrician, who grew up affluent in L.A. and spent three
years in prison for tax evasion and is going to make a comeback – any day now,
she says – starting the world’s first legal, wind-powered brothel for women
with exclusively male hookers (and a spa), who only wants to talk about birds.”
Heidi owns 24 parrots.

I polled some friends about the idea of male prostitutes
selling services to women. Many said no woman would use it, and others
confessed they might if their identities were totally secret. Women, in
general, have always been accused of having to be in love to go to bed with a
guy. Now, we have the opposite proposition that might be offered to them. A
quick lay by a professional – no need to worry about him respecting her in the
morning.

The question that comes to mind is, in this world of open
and available sex and willing sex partners, why is prostitution still going
strong? Demand for prostitution certainly hasn’t diminished. Why? You’d think,
at least, there’d be a little less clamoring for paid sex. Free sex is
everywhere and relatively guilt-free. The recriminations of yesteryear are
virtually non-existent. For women, virginity is no longer mandatory for making
a good marriage. In a minority of men, non-virgins are still undesirable, no
matter what they claim, but overall virginity is a societal more that has
nearly disappeared. Even having babies out of wedlock is more common and hardly
noticed in the scheme of things.

It’s no longer outlandish to go to bed with a guy on the
first date. It happens in films, in books and in real life. At one time, it was
unheard of or if it happened no one dared to speak of it. It was thought that
only very desperate women did that. 

Some men claim they use prostitutes because the sex is casual
with no strings attached and you don’t even have to say goodbye. No emotional
involvement. They say paying for sex is good for a marriage because the man
won’t be lured away. He always goes home. 

There are other reasons as well. I think one of them is
control. With a prostitute, there is no need to please her. The woman is paid
to give all the pleasure to the client. No one is saying, “but, dear, I didn’t
have an orgasm…you can’t stop now… Or we never do enough foreplay.” Today, it
is a no-no to go to sleep immediately after an orgasm. There needs to be some
cuddling and maybe conversation. When finished with the services of a
prostitute, you dress go home and don’t even have to say goodbye. 

The prostitute doesn’t ask for a real orgasm for performing her job. She can fake it. If you hop out
of bed and leave the minute you finish, there are no recriminations.

We still need to talk about the implications of women going
to male prostitutes.  My thanks to my
third cousin Heidi for stimulating a lot of questions and thought.

From the sexy G
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Okay. The holidays are over and some serious thinking is now
called for. Let’s get down to the relationship business. For instance, there is
an age-old question about male/female communication. Are the differences
between the way men and women talk to each other biological or sociological or
a combination of both? Despite all the literature, we still flounder in the dark
for answers.

One of the big cries from women is that their mates just
don’t listen to them. The results of females and males not connecting verbally
may be portrayed as amusing in plays like Men Are from Mars and Women Are from
Venus or in TV situation comedies like Everyone Loves Raymond and the classic, All
in the Family.

Comedic presentations about the inability of men and women
to communicate, may underplay the seriousness of the situation. To my way of
thinking, making too light of the dilemma perpetuates the problem. Why change something
that provides amusement? It’s easier to laugh than deal with the underlying
issues.

The not-so-funny statement that “men are just little boys,” is
often met with a resigned shrug, indicating acceptance. We’re saying that men,
in general are immature. But, if we don’t question the inevitable irritating
(at the very least) results that immaturity produces, it comes with disastrous consequences.
If we are not hearing the words, let alone the nuances, in the speech of a mate,
it quickly diminishes the relationship and is probably at the root of many breakups.
This applies to both men and women.

It comes back to the question, are the differences
biological or societal? Many think it is biological and therefore impossible to
change. Perhaps it is both. I’m convinced that we reinforce the biological in
childrearing by role training that has a far greater influence in separating
the sexes. As adults couples become unable to hear each other.

I maintain that because society has told men from early on
that it is too “feminine” to talk about feelings, it has followed men into
adulthood. As adults, men have difficulty listening to anyone talking about
feelings. If they show that they buy into a conversation that has any sort of
“female” taint, their egos are diminished. Men are, by and large, not taught to
be nurturers. They are encouraged to problem solve.

In “Can’t We Talk?” (condensed from: You Just Don’t
Understand) by Deborah Tannen, a specialist in linguistics, she says, “…I have
studied how the conversational styles of men and women differ. We cannot lump
all men or all women into fixed categories. But the seemingly senseless
misunderstandings that haunt our relationships can in part be explained by the
different conversational rules by which men and women play.”

I think socialization must be changed before both genders fully
understand each other. As adults, change is possible with a good deal of
listening and some hard work. The real key is training from infancy. After all,
think about all the influences that abound in society that help define men and
women.

Even today we set up role definitions, for the most part, with
toys – dolls and doll houses for girls and building sets for boys despite what
enlightened parents say. Even on an unconscious level there is a fear that by
encouraging male children to be more sensitive there will be repercussions,
either taunting by other children or the fear of making their sons gay. And,
visa versa.

In toy stores we still find items separated by gender. What
about all the animated characters designed for children? Kiddie cartoon characters
that project positions of authority are generally male, and those in helping
positions tend to be female. Boys are frequently encouraged to win to win in
sports at all costs while girls are playing for fun. The images on the playing fields
are those of strong, tough football players (male), and the less important (female)
cheerleaders who are generally gorgeous, body-beautiful and sexy. Stereotyping
is perpetuated.

Deborah Tannen also says, “Men grow up in a world in which a
conversation is often a contest, either to achieve the upper hand or to prevent
other people from pushing them around. For women, however, talking is often a
way to exchange confirmation and support.”

Ms. Tannen continues. “…Since women often think in terms of
closeness and support, they struggle to preserve intimacy. Men, concerned with
status, tend to focus more on independence. These traits can lead women and men
to starkly different views of the same situation.”

Often, the end result with this kind of societal pressure is
that a man feels he’s lost power and his entitlement to be in command when he
listens to his wife or negotiates with her on an issue. He is sometimes
unwilling to give up the smallest piece of his fierce need for independence and
if he does he feels like a wimp. The
woman often feel overpowered and dominated – a bad recipe for a relationship. So
much of this is the result of early training.

These differences leak into every aspect of relationships. After
years of conditioning, many women are often timid when it comes to sex. Often
they are afraid to verbalize what they would like for fear of hurting the man’s
ego or of looking too eager – hence the faked orgasm. She might hope her man will
ask or voluntarily touch her in places he knows will please her rather than
make a point of it.

Well, here’s the rub (not intended as a pun). Often, a woman
who asks a man to bring her to a climax and enjoys returning the favor is
sometimes looked upon suspiciously by some men. It’s not uncommon for a man to
ask, “Where did you learn to be so hot?” Well, do I ask where you learned those
tricks, mister? There is a tendency to assume that the more experience a man
has, the better. It doesn’t always work that way for women. Yes, friends, these
learned attitudes still exists although, I admit, it is much more subtle.

A man once told me he won’t date women who have been single
for a long time – over five years. His reasoning was she had to have been with too
many men over time.

The first time I was asked by a man that I was really into –
where did I learn that sexual stuff, I was dumbfounded. When I didn’t answer he
pressed me to respond. I said that my late husband was a good teacher in the
bedroom. I realized later that, even though it was the truth, I answered in a
way that made me look “virginal.” Lo and behold, he asked again a week later. I
got ticked off and said, “I’m a nymphomaniac, and I go with any man I can for
sex.” He got it and apologized. That was a big moment.

May big moments be fruitful and multiply. 

The sexy G

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