We all have a perception of who we think we are. Most times, that outer person is hugely different from the the one living within. Is that okay? In many instances we need privacy and then it works. It’s not necessary for people to spill their inner self all the time. Also, there are times we need to act differently with various people. For example, it’s rude to make a show of wealth when with people of lesser means.

If role playing occurs in a healthy manner, and we are aware of the different personalities contained within ourselves, then we can deal well with the different personalities. We struggle with who we really are vs. the mask we put on for the public. When unaware of these issues, the results can be devastating. We enter a life-long fight to maintain the facade of the person who we think we are, the one who wants to impress the world.

It is an everyday struggle that might barely be in our perceptions, but is capable of draining spontaneity, humor and warmth. This kind of effort can desensitive a human to the point where they are so emotionally cutoff they become robotic. It can take a superhuman effort to maintain an public image that has been designed by society.

When is this outside persona dangerous? If we don’t question the prescribed modes of behavior that society imposes on us, we can be in serious trouble. The images begin the wiring process from a very early age. Our parents, teachers, religious leaders, employers and just about every institutions have input into our lives.

Not all prescribed behaviors are bad. We learn manners, tact, civility and superficial ways of connecting socially. It gets us through many situatons.

Little boys are especially prey to these forced roles. Society prohibits boys from showing emotion or they will be called wimps. Because there is a deep-rooted fear that boys who identify with their mothers in any way shape or form will become gay, they are pressured to be “tough” and never cry. How ludicrous.

There are many aspects of females, that when adopted by men, make them more secure and free, much more able to make friends with women and themselves. Without that sensitization, relationships with men of that ilk are probably doomed to fail or likely to produce unhappy relationships.

Men will never understand women if they are not allowed to take a fearless look at female behavior and duplicate some of what they see. Maintaining a force-fed persona creates adult men who are totally cut off from feelings and ultimately the human race. They have no ability to display feelings, reveal themselves, laugh at their own foibles and they live in fear they will appear wimpy.

Of course, little girls are encouraged to nurture and play with dolls, despite parents swearing they present all sides of the picture. Thank goodness this is changing because of the real world. Women finally realize they need careers even if they make less than a man for the same work.

Because women are in the workforce in droves, they can identify with masculine characteristics without fear, but if they are too aggressive, they will be accused of needing to get laid or of being Lesbians. But when they, too, absorb society’s created roles without question, they suffer, as well. Often they pray to meet a sensitive man who displays a femine side, but run the other way when face to face with one as a potential mate. They might never realize they are slaves to images imposed from childhood. That honest male who is in touch with his femine side faces ridcule and social ostracism.

So, these facades stay with us until way into adulthood. Even men who are truly sensitive underneath, when they gather in groups, feel they must act like macho dunces.

Aside from gender roles, society imposes rigid rules for behavior on all levels; wealth, religion, social status, economic status, educational status and many others. To be successful is the dominant theme and men who don’t reach the levels dictated by society are made to feel emasculated which can lead to depression, acting out, and even physical illness.

We fear losing control because we might reveal who we really are. We hide beneath masks plastered to our faces. Fear prevents internal exploration so we never discover the real reasons we are unhappy, and we walk around repressed, angry and unsure of the next step.

As adults, we should question images not of our making, those that have been grooved into our brains from infancy. We need to pick and choose the ones that make a good fit and discard those that leave us lifeless. It may make us happy and might help in getting to like ourselves.

Release the buried emotions. If you are honest and straight about who you are, you might be pleasantly surprised and gratified. The real you can command respect and you might regain lost precious emotions that are healing to the psyche. It might come as a big relief when you shed heavy layers of skin and uncover the buried treasure of the real you!

Sexy G (as fellow blogger Jill calls me)
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Hey, you’re dating seriously. How do you handle money? One way is for each to kick in half and cut everything down the line to the penny. I’ve had men tell me upfront they expect to go Dutch on every date. “Any questions or problems with that, just move on, lady. There’s someone waiting to fill your place.

This every penny down the line concept can produce another set of problems. Once when I was out with a couple the man picked up my bill. When I thanked him, his partner nastily said I should thank her. Although it was his decision, she paid for half, and obviously didn’t want to pay for me. He made the decision unilaterally although he wasn’t free to do that.

In another situation, the man made far more than the woman and she resented paying half when she was struggling economically. But he insisted on each kicking in. Sometimes she paid more than half. When you factor in that women make less than a man for a comparable job, you might want to change the rules a bit. If you don’t, it will inevitably have an impact on every aspect of a relationship, including the bedroom.

How about the man who borrows money from a woman and doesn’t pay it back because he feels he’s paying for her dinners so he deserves it. All of these occurances dredge up unpleasant feelings. When friends of the same sex go out, usually no one pays attention to who ordered a more expensive dish or who had an extra drink. The bill is equally divided. Why is there such a big fuss with couples worrying about who paid more?

There was a man I dated who lived in another nearby city. He wanted to become more intimate and I liked him. He asked if I could come visit and stay at a hotel. For various complicated reasons, I could not stay with him at his home. He did not offer to pay the hotel bill. At the time, I didn’t think that was unfair so I arranged to attend a conference. It was quite expensive, but I thought the effort worthwhile. We had a lovely time, and he wanted to see me again.

I agreed and we continued our conversations via telephone and e-mailing. I enjoyed his intelligence. We began to include some phone sex. This was a first for me and, I have to say, it’s was quite a lot of fun to do it wiht someone you like.

Things were heating up between us. Time passed and he made no offer to arrange for my hotel, but he continued to press me for a date to visit. Finally, I said it was his turn to pay for the hotel. There was a long silence and nothing said. We hung up and, naturally, I began to see a cheap side. It bothered me that I had to even ask.

I said nothing about coming in after that and he finally asked me to split the cost. When I balked because I’d paid the entire bill myself the last time, he said, “Oh, well. You attended a conference. You got more out of it.” He also wanted me to telephone him from that point on so he could save his minutes. That makes me wonder about why he needs to save his minutes and for whom? You have to understand that this man was wealthy with a fabulous job.

Yikes!! After a few more conversations, I saw that chintzy people have chintzy emotions. I no longer wanted to see him. One must try to project what kind of effect that behavior has on the other person. The anger will come out sooner or later and sometimes for the wrong reasons.

Here’s my idea. Let the man pay for all or most of the dinners out along with the cost of entertainment. It’s so much more romantic with a lot less resentment and causes for stress. This can be evened out by a woman cooking dinners. One night eat out and the next two or three nights, eat in — prepared and paid for by the woman. And/or she may occassionally pick up the check in a restaurant, buy an occasional ticket to whatever he enjoys, be it a sporting event or the orchestra. There is always a lovely little present she can buy to say thank you.

Will it come out even? Perhaps not. But ir you get all uptight about it the romance will go out the window? At the end of a year, maybe the man paid a couple of hundred more. Is it worth fussing about it? Remember, cheap men will get cheap sex. It’s a cheap price to pay of adoration, love, caring and loyalty.

I invite your opinions on this ticklish problem. Look for the comment button below each blog on the right hand side and give me your take.

The sexy grandmom
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